News 88.9 Saint John,

I was on a live talk show with Tom Young this afternoon. Tom asked some very insightful questions and spoke about the loss of his own father and mother. Everyone has been touched by the loss of someone they love and its good to share our stories.

I hope everyone got a chance to hear it. Thanks to Todd Veinotte and Tom Young for having me on the show.

New Years Eve. as a Widow

I thought the holidays were hard but nothing highlights loneliness more then New Years Eve without your husband. This is one night that I still have not figured out a way to avoid. Everything about it shouts out “couples” and its hard to go out to celebrate the beginning of a new year as a widow.

For a widows first “New Year” on her own, there doesn’t seem to be anything for her to look forward to and that just adds to the loneliness. But I’m here to say that you will get through it but you have to make the effort to look for positive things in your day. Be careful that negative loneliness doesn’t steal all your joy.

Another Christmas Is Over

It seems that it builds up for weeks and its over in a day. It’s all quite exhausting, both emotionally and physically. I can see why more and more people choose to go away on vacation. But if your not happy at home, running away isn’t going to be that magic bullet. You have to come back to face your troubles sooner or later.

I would miss my family and the new traditions that are being made. Next year I’m going to chill out and enjoy the social with family and friends. This whole shopping and decorating has to be downsized to leave more time for what matters.

Christmas 2010 YouTube Message

I posted a message on YouTube about getting through the holidays when your grieving the loss of a loved one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYh1V6u9f24

Widow Potluck Supper

It's one week to Christmas and I can't think of anything I would rather do then spend the afternoon with other widows. Eating and sharing our memories: the good, the bad and the ugly.

They have been widowed from 8 years to as little as 5 weeks and yet you can feel the connection amongst the group. It is all part of the progress, because as we grieve we need our widow friends even more.

Google Blog Search on Widows

I did a Google Blog Search for “widows”  on December 18th.

The Sisterhood of Widows blog came in # 1 and #6 on the first page out of 801,000 results.

Amazing!!

It is the Season

It is the season for giving, so give attention to someone who needs it. Ask them about their holiday plans, New Year's resolutions, best holiday purchase - it doesn't matter what as long as you take the time to listen and connect. The joy of giving is what comes back, forgetting about your own troubles and making someone else feel special.

Remember, when you are socializing, turn to someone you haven't spoken to yet and give them your attention. It will do you both some good.

If You Can’t Climb the Wall Build A Door

This is a great book by Dr. Charles Lever. The premise of the book is that no matter how great the challenges in your life, you can find a way to move beyond them and grow from them. See if you can get a copy of this book from your library.

I believe in you, that you can move beyond your challenges and experience life more richly than ever before. Reading positive books is the first step towards a healing heart.

What's Holding You Back?

Do you ever find yourself saying, “Oh no, I’ll never be able to do that”  – without even giving it a try?  Look at your excuses and see them for the falsehoods they are.  You can create your desire if you want it enough to be a bit uncomfortable for a while.

I like the saying “I am responsible for my thoughts and by changing my thinking, I can change my life”.  The New Year is in a few weeks and I know that 2011 will be the year that I take responsiblitiy for my life.

I guess that means that I have to dust off those old goal setting books and read up on my values and mission statement.  But that’s a bit of work and for the moment I’m going to settle into the holiday season and make the best of it.

Grieving in Silence

It’s the holidays and everyone is in the festive mood, but your not. It’s hard to grieve because you feel like you are dragging down the mood wherever you go. Does that sound familar to you? Where do you fit in during this joyful holiday season?

I sometimes feel like running away from it all, but that’s just my sad side overtaking me during the holidays. There is nothing wrong with me. Whatever my feelings, they are legitimate. The problem with suffering in silence is that I’m don’t feel supported.

It’s best just to say that “I’m not into the season” and not let fear of judgment stop me from sharing my feelings. People who care will understand and those that don’t … will lets just say that I have had to move away from some negative and unsupportive people and you may have to do the same.

A book of Healing Stories

A lady I met this weekend sent the below message to her network of friends. I thought it was a great idea to promote the book by a grassroots movement. I'm forwarding her message on to my network and I hope that everyone forwards it on to their network of friends and family. The book is for all those that need to grieve and heal, and I hope that it reaches all those that will find comfort in it.


Hello everyone,
I believe in helping to promote our very own local talented people. I have a new found girl friend and author whom I would like to help promote her brand new and first book. Her name is Mary Francis and she lives in Saint John, NB. Her new book title is Sisterhood of Widows.

It is just being launched and will be officially for sale January 1st. However, one can purchase Mary’s book online at http://www.thesisterhoodofwidows.com/ and her email address is Mary@thesisterhoodofwidows.com  Please buy a copy of her book for yourself, your book club and/or to offer as a gift. Thank you!

Christmas Shopping

Remember how you bought a car and then noticed how many cars of that make and color were on the road. Christmas shopping is like that. When Donnie was alive I never noticed how many couples were out shopping together at Christmas. Now, it seems like every where I turn I see couples doing Christmas shopping and errands together.

Christmas has a way of highlighting the good, but also the bad. Being single, being broke or being sad, all seem even more so with the holidays. It's so easy to slip into that sad place, especially this time of the year.

It's hard to stay positive, but tomorrow is the family Christmas get together at my house and that is what it's all about. Sharing time with family and friends always brings my mood up. It helps to balance me so that I can be grateful for what I do have

Christmas Parties

Christmas parties give me mixed feelings. On one hand I enjoy getting out and seeing everyone, but on the other hand it makes me feel lonely for Donnie.

The whole Christmas season is an up and down emotional roller coaster ride. Its great because you see more of your family and friends but it highlights just how empty your home is without your loved one.

This is my third Christmas and I still find it depressing. It's just not quite right and there is nothing I can do about it.

Lots of invites to Home Parties

It’s that time of the year and everyone seems to be having a home party, selling just about everything.  But where do you draw the line?   It’s a great way to socialize with some friends if you have the funds and need some items.

However, it’s really hard to say no when you feel socially obligated and you don’t have the money to spend.  Just say, “Thanks for the invitation, but I have all my presents bought and I don’t need anything else. Maybe, next time.” Don’t go if you don’t have the funds because you may feel obligated to buy something you don’t need.

Be proud of yourself for watching your money and being smart enough to avoid temptation.

Live Out Loud weekend

I went to a weekend workshop called "Live Out Loud" in San Jose, CA and they encourage you to find your passion and use it to make some cash.

My passion is helping others to grieve and heal. I never thought about earning money, but if I do I can reach out and help even more. I was never really comfortable with money, but I'm beginning to understand all the good that can be done with it.

So my advice is to turn your passion into a money making machine so that you can do even more of what your passionate about. Live your life with no reqrets - it is too short to waste.

My Life is a Journey

My life is a journey of me discovering my own self-worth, my own magnificence and of me learning who I am. That’s my mission – to start having inner peace and to think about what contribution I can make to others. This will help me to look outside of myself and not focus on just what is wrong.
Everyone needs stress-busting techniques like:

1.  A sense of humor
2. Getting a pet
3. Exercising
4. Getting out to socialize

There are many others, but you can use these four as a starting point

Widows Out Of Their Comfort Zone

We all live our lives trying to avoid risky situtations and avoid the potential to be hurt, but life doesn't always work out as planned.  As widows we have been taken out of our comfort zone so we may as well try something new and see if it works.  It may, it may not, but you'll never know if you don't give it a try.

As long as you try to stay in that old comfort zone, you will find it hard to heal.  Ignoring the pain doesn't make it any less painful.  You can't hide from it by denying it or ignoring it.  Change is disruptive...But it doesn't make any difference.  You have to get through it and survive.

Never under estimate your inner power to change yourself.  You can do it!

Widows Justifying Ourselves

When we justify, we are trying to convince ourselves that it’s OK to settle for second best…that it’s OK to play it safe…that it’s OK to sell ourselves short. Happy, fulfilled people don’t justify why they don’t have this or that and we shouldn’t either.

Lets tuck our excuses in our back pocket and just go for it. We have our moments of doubt and despair. We have our moments of disappointment and depression, but lets treat it as part of our healing and not as a life sentence. We can get our balance back, lets just give it some time

Widows Pot Luck Supper

Tomorrow I'm the guest speaker at the "Widows First Pot Luck Supper" in Bathurst, New Brunswick. I want to thank Jessica Ryan for all her hard work. Jessica came up with this idea and contacted me. To speak to a ladies group that is so involved in their community is a challenge I'm going to enjoy.

I hope all the communities out there follow Jessica's path and host a "Widows Pot Luck Supper" just for ladies to share their stories. Widows helping widows to grieve and heal - what can be better then that?

Widows For A Joyful Life

I've thought of this alot the last three years since I've become a widow. What is a life of passion? I think it's a joyful life but that's hard to find after the death of a loved one. Everything is grey and dull and its hard to even laugh.

I think there should be a Passion Tree and we should be able to pick our passion. If only it was that easy!! I have found life alot more joyful since I became passionate about helping other widows. I think that to be joyful you have to find your passion in life.

Somehow it will involve helping others because when you stop looking at your grief and focusing on others you can't help feeling. And feeling, any feeling in the beginning is a great start to living a life of passion.

Patience And Understanding Are Needed

Please be patient with widows as they voice their feelings and remember that it is just their frame of mind at that moment. It’s not right or wrong, it’s just how they are feeling. Understand that tomorrow or the next month their frame of mind could be totally different. In other words- please cut them some slack if their frame of mind is not what you think it should be.

I know that there were times that I was overly sensitive to comments made.  On the other hand I was also not sensitive enough to the suffering of others.  I guess that’s why life is a journey and I learn as I go along.  If on my journey I have offended someone I hope that they will also cut me some slack.  We women are emotional creatures which can be both a blessing and a curse.

Key To Moving Forward

The key to moving forward is to decide what is most important to you and then taking action each day to make it better. Even if it doesn't look as if your progressing, you are.  Personal power means being persistent in taking action.  Every time you do something, you learn from it and you find a way to do it better each time you do it. 

A widow cannot get back on her feet after the death of her husband without making a conscious effort to move forward.  You have to decide that your not going to stay down and that your going to take control of your personal power. 

Yes, its hard, but if you don't then you risk depression finding a home in your soul and you don't want to fall into that trap.

Grieve and Heal

This blog will help you Grieve and Heal.  It will provide you with positive tips and inspiration to get your balance back.  Remember it is a journey and you have to keep moving through the Grief so that you can Heal. I know you don’t want to hear that and you may not be ready, but you can’t let grief make a home in your soul.

For my personal journey as a widow please visit The Sisterhood of Widows Blog.  It’s about my passion to help other widows to Grieve and Heal.  It also introduces you to the ultimate Widows book consisting of sixteen widows truthfully sharing their stories of life before and after the death of their husbands.  Their husbands died from cancer, heart attacks, accidents and even suicide. They are amazing women from different backgrounds and ages, who just like you had to face life after the death of their husbands.

Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln said “People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be”. How we choose to react to being a widow is our choice. Each of us shapes our own destiny by the choices we make. Everyone has it in her power to say, “This I am today, that I will be tomorrow.” The Bible says “You reap what you sow”. Respect your power to choose! It’s not what you know that counts – it’s what you do with what you know! That’s what I call purposeful action.