News 88.9 Saint John,

I was on a live talk show with Tom Young this afternoon. Tom asked some very insightful questions and spoke about the loss of his own father and mother. Everyone has been touched by the loss of someone they love and its good to share our stories.

I hope everyone got a chance to hear it. Thanks to Todd Veinotte and Tom Young for having me on the show.

New Years Eve. as a Widow

I thought the holidays were hard but nothing highlights loneliness more then New Years Eve without your husband. This is one night that I still have not figured out a way to avoid. Everything about it shouts out “couples” and its hard to go out to celebrate the beginning of a new year as a widow.

For a widows first “New Year” on her own, there doesn’t seem to be anything for her to look forward to and that just adds to the loneliness. But I’m here to say that you will get through it but you have to make the effort to look for positive things in your day. Be careful that negative loneliness doesn’t steal all your joy.

Another Christmas Is Over

It seems that it builds up for weeks and its over in a day. It’s all quite exhausting, both emotionally and physically. I can see why more and more people choose to go away on vacation. But if your not happy at home, running away isn’t going to be that magic bullet. You have to come back to face your troubles sooner or later.

I would miss my family and the new traditions that are being made. Next year I’m going to chill out and enjoy the social with family and friends. This whole shopping and decorating has to be downsized to leave more time for what matters.

Christmas 2010 YouTube Message

I posted a message on YouTube about getting through the holidays when your grieving the loss of a loved one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYh1V6u9f24

Widow Potluck Supper

It's one week to Christmas and I can't think of anything I would rather do then spend the afternoon with other widows. Eating and sharing our memories: the good, the bad and the ugly.

They have been widowed from 8 years to as little as 5 weeks and yet you can feel the connection amongst the group. It is all part of the progress, because as we grieve we need our widow friends even more.

Google Blog Search on Widows

I did a Google Blog Search for “widows”  on December 18th.

The Sisterhood of Widows blog came in # 1 and #6 on the first page out of 801,000 results.

Amazing!!

It is the Season

It is the season for giving, so give attention to someone who needs it. Ask them about their holiday plans, New Year's resolutions, best holiday purchase - it doesn't matter what as long as you take the time to listen and connect. The joy of giving is what comes back, forgetting about your own troubles and making someone else feel special.

Remember, when you are socializing, turn to someone you haven't spoken to yet and give them your attention. It will do you both some good.

If You Can’t Climb the Wall Build A Door

This is a great book by Dr. Charles Lever. The premise of the book is that no matter how great the challenges in your life, you can find a way to move beyond them and grow from them. See if you can get a copy of this book from your library.

I believe in you, that you can move beyond your challenges and experience life more richly than ever before. Reading positive books is the first step towards a healing heart.

What's Holding You Back?

Do you ever find yourself saying, “Oh no, I’ll never be able to do that”  – without even giving it a try?  Look at your excuses and see them for the falsehoods they are.  You can create your desire if you want it enough to be a bit uncomfortable for a while.

I like the saying “I am responsible for my thoughts and by changing my thinking, I can change my life”.  The New Year is in a few weeks and I know that 2011 will be the year that I take responsiblitiy for my life.

I guess that means that I have to dust off those old goal setting books and read up on my values and mission statement.  But that’s a bit of work and for the moment I’m going to settle into the holiday season and make the best of it.

Grieving in Silence

It’s the holidays and everyone is in the festive mood, but your not. It’s hard to grieve because you feel like you are dragging down the mood wherever you go. Does that sound familar to you? Where do you fit in during this joyful holiday season?

I sometimes feel like running away from it all, but that’s just my sad side overtaking me during the holidays. There is nothing wrong with me. Whatever my feelings, they are legitimate. The problem with suffering in silence is that I’m don’t feel supported.

It’s best just to say that “I’m not into the season” and not let fear of judgment stop me from sharing my feelings. People who care will understand and those that don’t … will lets just say that I have had to move away from some negative and unsupportive people and you may have to do the same.

A book of Healing Stories

A lady I met this weekend sent the below message to her network of friends. I thought it was a great idea to promote the book by a grassroots movement. I'm forwarding her message on to my network and I hope that everyone forwards it on to their network of friends and family. The book is for all those that need to grieve and heal, and I hope that it reaches all those that will find comfort in it.


Hello everyone,
I believe in helping to promote our very own local talented people. I have a new found girl friend and author whom I would like to help promote her brand new and first book. Her name is Mary Francis and she lives in Saint John, NB. Her new book title is Sisterhood of Widows.

It is just being launched and will be officially for sale January 1st. However, one can purchase Mary’s book online at http://www.thesisterhoodofwidows.com/ and her email address is Mary@thesisterhoodofwidows.com  Please buy a copy of her book for yourself, your book club and/or to offer as a gift. Thank you!

Christmas Shopping

Remember how you bought a car and then noticed how many cars of that make and color were on the road. Christmas shopping is like that. When Donnie was alive I never noticed how many couples were out shopping together at Christmas. Now, it seems like every where I turn I see couples doing Christmas shopping and errands together.

Christmas has a way of highlighting the good, but also the bad. Being single, being broke or being sad, all seem even more so with the holidays. It's so easy to slip into that sad place, especially this time of the year.

It's hard to stay positive, but tomorrow is the family Christmas get together at my house and that is what it's all about. Sharing time with family and friends always brings my mood up. It helps to balance me so that I can be grateful for what I do have

Christmas Parties

Christmas parties give me mixed feelings. On one hand I enjoy getting out and seeing everyone, but on the other hand it makes me feel lonely for Donnie.

The whole Christmas season is an up and down emotional roller coaster ride. Its great because you see more of your family and friends but it highlights just how empty your home is without your loved one.

This is my third Christmas and I still find it depressing. It's just not quite right and there is nothing I can do about it.

Lots of invites to Home Parties

It’s that time of the year and everyone seems to be having a home party, selling just about everything.  But where do you draw the line?   It’s a great way to socialize with some friends if you have the funds and need some items.

However, it’s really hard to say no when you feel socially obligated and you don’t have the money to spend.  Just say, “Thanks for the invitation, but I have all my presents bought and I don’t need anything else. Maybe, next time.” Don’t go if you don’t have the funds because you may feel obligated to buy something you don’t need.

Be proud of yourself for watching your money and being smart enough to avoid temptation.

Live Out Loud weekend

I went to a weekend workshop called "Live Out Loud" in San Jose, CA and they encourage you to find your passion and use it to make some cash.

My passion is helping others to grieve and heal. I never thought about earning money, but if I do I can reach out and help even more. I was never really comfortable with money, but I'm beginning to understand all the good that can be done with it.

So my advice is to turn your passion into a money making machine so that you can do even more of what your passionate about. Live your life with no reqrets - it is too short to waste.

My Life is a Journey

My life is a journey of me discovering my own self-worth, my own magnificence and of me learning who I am. That’s my mission – to start having inner peace and to think about what contribution I can make to others. This will help me to look outside of myself and not focus on just what is wrong.
Everyone needs stress-busting techniques like:

1.  A sense of humor
2. Getting a pet
3. Exercising
4. Getting out to socialize

There are many others, but you can use these four as a starting point