November 8, 2008 – Entries from my journals - I had a wave of home sickness yesterday where I really missed Donnie and our old house. It still doesn’t seem real. Bob and Jimmy closed up the cottage and I was glad because it just wasn’t for me this summer. I’m hoping that I will get back on track by next summer so that I can enjoy the cottage again. It was where Donnie and I shared our happiest times and I really miss him there.

October 3, 2008 – Entries from my journals - I’m moving forward and writing my book. My hope is that every widow will be able to see herself in the stories and know that she is not alone. I have to keep encouraging myself that I can do this because I get fearful and unmotivated. I just keep thinking about all the widows that need this book and that helps move me forward.

September 11, 2008 – Entries from my Journals - It’s been one year and I’ve gotten pass that first Christmas and all the other holidays but I feel just as sad and lonely. I went up to the grave site by myself. I just didn’t want to talk to anyone today.

June 7, 2008– Entries from my journals - Being busy doesn’t stop me from thinking of Donnie. At the oddest time a feeling of deep sadness suddenly comes across me and I just want to cry. I wish I had him back so I could tell him how much I really loved him. I didn’t really appreciate how much love he gave me. I’m feeling a little unsettled and unsure without that love backing me up. I never ever thought that I would feel that way, after all I was always the strong, steady one.

January 6, 2008 – Entries from my journals - Today I was being lazy and was drifting in and out of sleep. At 9:20 I heard an odd sound like a phone ringing. I picked up the phone and heard Donnie as clear as anything. He said “It’s OK, I’m OK.” I was half asleep and thought something had happened to him at work. I asked him what happened and there was just silence. That’s when I woke up and realized it was all a dream. In some strange way it made me feel better knowing that he was OK.

December 28th, 2007 – Entries from my journals - Well, Angela and I made it through our first Christmas without Donnie. Angela did me a stocking and bought me gifts from Santa. She worked Christmas Eve till 11:00 and when she got home we opened up one present each. We went to Nathan’s and Andrea’s for turkey supper in their first home. I went visiting a lot because I just didn’t want to stay in. Although I had lots of family around me I just felt so lonely.

December 18, 2007 continued – Entries from my journals - On Tuesday September 4th, Donnie was in the hospital and they told him about the cancer.
On Tuesday September 11th, Donnie and I got up early to get ready for Donnie’s doctor appointment at 7:00. Donnie was sitting at the kitchen table while I was in the bedroom getting ready when I heard him fall to the floor. His doctor said that it was probably a blood clot to the lung and Donnie would not have felt any pain. One week and now he is gone – how can that be?

December 18, 2007 – Entries from my journals - It’s time I wrote down what has happened in the last few months. Friday, August 31st we were at the cottage and the doctor called about Donnie’s tests. I took the call because Donnie was out and he told me that Donnie had lung and liver cancer and it didn’t look good. He wanted Donnie in the Hospital on the holiday Monday. I decided not to tell Donnie or anyone else about the cancer so he could enjoy the long weekend. I just told him that the doctor wanted him for more tests.

June 20, 2007 – Entries from my journals - Donnie and I went to Angela’s graduation for her Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN). We are so proud of her and you should have seen Donnie. He stood up and whistled and clapped like crazy when she crossed the stage to get her diploma.

June 2, 2007 – Entries from my Journals - I got a tattoo on my shoulder. It represents “love, faith and laughter” and Angela got a flower on the top of her foot. I always wanted a tattoo so I promised Angela I would get one with her on my 50th birthday. Donnie tells me I’m crazy but I know he thinks it’s a kind of neat.

May 14, 2007 – Entries from my journals
This is the year of my 50th birthday and the book “The Secret” was just released. I’m going to listen to my thoughts and take better care of myself. It was my birthday today and I spent a perfect weekend at the cottage.

Away for 2 Weeks - I’m away for the next 2 weeks and so I’m doing advance postings from my 2007 and 2008 private journals. It will cover that first year after Donnie’s death and they will be dated. I hope that it will help others to understand the emotional journey a widow travels.

Chick's Night Out - I just had an amazing night out with a group of ladies and we shared parts of our journey with each other. That's what is healing - having other women who have losed a loved one be there with their own stories.

We are going to have a monthly "Chick's Night Out" and every women who has ever lost a spouse, parent, child, cherished friend or family member is welcomed to join us. It's a pot luck and you only need to bring a plate of food to share.

It's the first Wednesday of every month at Brenan's on Manawagonish Road in Saint John from 5:00 to 8:00. We eat at 5:30 and after that its talk, cards and games for the Chick's Night Out. Oh, what a great night!!

On Saturday I spoke to the sales team of SMET Monuments in St. Stephen, N.B.

They understand that its a very emotional time for their clients and help them design their monuments to reflect the lives of their loved ones. I enjoyed sharing my story because they understand the grief journey and deal with it every day.

When I did our monument I put our wedding date and picture on it and had it inscripted "Charlie Brown and Snoopy Forever". In the back it has the Serenity Prayer and I believe the monument will share our story with future generations. I found it healing to design the monument with memories of our life together. I now understand why couples design it together as part of their estate planning.

My picture on the Grand Canyon Skywalk http://ping.fm/Q9f1K
As a widow I used to think that my travelling days were over. But I've found that I can and do travel every chance I get. It's a matter of being open to travelling in groups or with other single ladies. I had to be open to travelling differently then I would have if I still had my husband. But the alternative is to stay home and let life pass me by. That is not a path that I want to go on.

I loved the Grand Canyon and when I went out on the skywalk I took my book with me. Life has been an amazing journey and I appreciate every day alot more then I ever used to. I hope you are also getting out to have some new and exciting adventures.