Ruth in
chapter five of the book “The Sisterhood of Widows” couldn’t really believe her
husband was dead as per this paragraph:
“When we were leaving the funeral
parlor I asked, “Where’s Andrew?” Then I
thought ‘Oh my God’, look what I just said.’
I was so used to having him beside me.
It was like a bad dream and I thought I would wake up and everything
would be the way it was before.”
When did
your denial begin? Most of us don’t talk
about death in our everyday conversations.
After all why would we when everyone is healthy? But by now, a terrible reality has come into
your life and nothing has prepared you for that last visit and then they are
gone. And when it happened, you find
yourself in denial - “It can’t be”.
There is a
period of time when we know they are gone but in our heart we just don’t feel
it can be true. Maybe that denial is
necessary to get us through the outpourings of sympathy, the paperwork and the
funeral.
In the early
period of your grief journey you may leave our loved one’s voice on the
answering machine like the widow in chapter three:
“While I waited I found a box of
Kleenex in the car and I just started cleaning everything inside and out. I was so high strung and scared that I called
home three times and got Jack’s voice each time. That’s why it hasn’t been
changed because I didn’t want to lose it.
I thought that I’m never going to hear his voice again and I find it
comforting. Jack says “Sorry can’t come
to the phone right now” and it seems like he is talking to me. I think I will try to get a copy of his
voice. If I feel lonesome I know I can
call up and hear him. It’s been almost two years and his voice is still on the
answering machine telling the callers to leave a message.”
Be kind to
yourself, you are doing the best that you can and you will deal with reality as
your grief journey progresses. Every
widow travels the grief journey in their own time.
