Know Your Demons

Most of us want to run from our demons.  When our life gets crazy we want to be anyone but who we are and where we are.  But our trials help us gain greater maturity so that we can recognize our demons and the insecurity they evoke.

If we accept that struggle and pain are an inherent part of life and we are willing to learn from difficult situations, we can actually gain a new sense of freedom.

Even though we don’t have any idea how things are going to turn out, if we just acknowledge our feelings, no matter how painful they are, our grief will become more manageable.

When we stand our ground and face our demons, they lose some of their power. We feel like life is going to overwhelm us and yet as we get through it we discover just how strong we are.

Maturity is realizing that the outcome of any situation is often affected by how we cope with the challenge.  The true test of growth is to learn to accept uncertainty, disappointment and feelings of despair.  As widows, we must learn to live with a greater degree of uncertainty and humility.

We need to be honest with ourselves and recognize our limitations.  Growing means accepting that we are responsible for our own care, protection and fulfillment.  It means appreciating your uniqueness and being  easy with yourself. In admitting how little we know, we gain strength and a stronger connection with who we really are.

Save Their Voice

Voice messages can allow bereaved friends and relatives to feel, if only temporarily, closer to the departed but they can easily get lost.

Messages disappear in system upgrades. They are deleted by companies intent on keeping subscribers’ inboxes within preset limits. They go missing during carrier-to-carrier switches. 

Holding onto a lost loved one’s voice has become so important that many people save and re-save messages for years to prevent automatic deletion. There are ways to permanently save voice mails, but most people do not think like archivists.

The saddest callers are those whose needs cannot be met — whose treasured messages are suddenly lost.  Another benefit of getting their message off the phone and onto a separate machine is that others may be more comfortable calling and getting your message instead of their lost father, mother, son, daughter or spouse.

If you have a voice mail from your loved one then protect it by recording the message on a separate machine that you own and control.  There are also some great picture frames where you can have both their picture and their voice saved as a treasured memory. 

Fitness and Health Goals

Being on the path to a goal requires two things: knowing where you want to go and knowing where you currently are.

There are a lot of paths that one can take to their health and fitness goals. But none of them work equally well for everyone and it can be easy to stray away.

One of the simplest things you can do to keep yourself from getting lost or distracted on the way to any goal is to take care in how you define the goal.   The goal should be:

• clear,
• simple, and
• meaningful to YOU

 Any goal that does not keep you moving forward is no longer a goal, by definition. It’s a burden.

Example. “I want to lose 20 pounds” feels impossibly far off and vague. Instead ask –  How does one lose weight? By eating less and moving more. How does one eat less? Bydeciding to eat less and actually doing it.

Here’s one helpful habit: Put down the fork when you are 80% full every day for 14 days. This is much more manageable than aiming to lose 20 pounds.

There are thousands of websites about goal setting and weight loss but it’s of no value until you decide that it’s something you want to do for yourself.

Don't Wait For the Perfect Moment

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”  Napoleon Hill

We are starting a new year and with it comes the chance to do things differently. 

It is very simple to do and will produce very profound results.  Every evening find a few quiet minutes by yourself.  Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself the following questions:

• What did I want that I did not ask for today?
• Who could have helped me if I had asked?
• Where could I have gone for help?

See yourself doing it the way you would have liked to have done it had you not been to shy, frightened, prideful or defensive to ask.  You will be surprised at how powerful you will feel as you imagine yourself actually asking for and receiving what you want.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment because it will never come.  To create change you have to seek it out and make a daily ritual of seeing what you want and taking steps to get it.

It’s not always about big changes so don’t let fear stop you from asking for what you want.

Grief Recovery Outreach Program

I will be teaching the Grief Recovery Outreach Programs throughout 2014.

While there is no charge to attend course sessions, participants are required to purchase a Grief Recovery Method workbook at a cost of $25.00.

I keep the classes small – max. of only 12 so if you are interested please email:   Mary@thesisterhoodofwidows.com 

Link to YouTube video for more information on the Outreach Program:  http://tinyurl.com/kct4w6h  

From One Widow To Another

The danger in books and articles about balance is that they can make you feel bad about yourself.  You pick up yet another self-help article and you think, “If she can do, why can’t I?”

If there is one thing I know for sure, it’s that grieving and healing is hard.  It’s a simple fact, even though we are the generation of strong women who are suppose to have it all together, we don’t have all the answers.

I’m writing this from my heart as the holidays can add to our unrealistic expectations.  If you’re a widow just starting your journey you may have read about what to expect, but it also helps to look inside for your balance. 

With our husbands death we lost our title of “wife” and gained the title of “widow”.  Beyond our titles, widows form a web of friendship and understanding that leads to a future of hope.

We support and sustain one another by telling our truths, sharing our laughter and honoring our tears.  

So from one widow to another – I wish you a Happy New Year 2014