A Widow's Destiny

I just got back from watching a movie with some friends.  The movie is called “The Lucky One” and it’s about this soldier who has done three tours of duty.

Many of his friends did not make it and he talks about destiny.  He is searching for answers as to why they died and yet he lived.  He said that it was his destiny and that we all have choices.

Destiny – the very word sounds sad and almost out of our control.  I agree with him that we do have a destiny, a purpose for still being alive.  But even more important than destiny (a predetermined course of events) is the fact that we all have choices.

Someone or something will happen in your life that changes your path and that is destiny.  But after destiny, comes the choices you have to make because you are on a new path that is unknown to you.

The choices you make will move you towards a destiny of your choice and not just a future that you have no control over.  Destiny will have a hand in your life, but you do also.

What do you think about destiny?

As Widows We Need To Learn To Laugh Again

How long has it been since you did something really silly?  On purpose, I mean :-)

One way to have more laughs is to do something that's just plain outrageous, to have some goofy fun.  One thing about laughing is that you usually need somebody else to do it with.  We need other people in our lives to help carry the load but also to share a laugh with.

My encouraging word to you is that you need to develop a sense of humor because without it you will not enjoy your life.  And you do have a life even though it may take you a while to get back on track, your life is there waiting for you.  Waiting to hear your laughter and waiting for you to notice the joy your friends and family still have to give you.

Sometimes I don't find the joy and laughter but it finds me.  It's just plain fun to go around speaking for different groups and conferences.  I always come away from these meetings feeling like I've received more than I have given.  More often than not I have shared a laugh with a new friend.

I read somewhere that we need to face our problems by looking for the flowers, not the weeds.  I know that it isn't always that easy, but finding happiness and laughter has to start somewhere and I believe a positive attitude will help you laugh again.

Widows and Their Women Friends

Females have always needed other females to socialize with and it starts before we even begin school.  There is something powerful about the connection women have with each other that is healing in times of sorrow.

I just got back from a day bus trip with over 40 other women and what a time we had.  We got started at 7:00 am and didn't get back till 10:00 pm.  We did nothing but eat, shop and laugh all day.  I'm exhausted from the marathon shopping and I couldn't be happier.  All that laughter charges up the soul and nothing heals better than good times with our women friends.

This trip was a fund raiser for Cancer Research and many of the women on the bus were cancer survivors.  I'm here to tell you they were the worst in the group for practical jokes, fun stories and all around having fun.  They know how valuable life is and although they have struggled and some still are, they don't let it hold them back from enjoying life.

These women can teach us all a valuable lesson just by example and I have to say I came away with a lighter step and better appreciation of life after spending time with them.

Next time we do this trip I'm going to round up some of the ladies from "Chicks Night Out" group to come with me.  We have so much fun in our monthly get together that I know everyone will enjoy this day trip.  So watch out, because next time there will be even more good friends to share the fun with.

Widows and Rapid Mood Changes

Rapid mood changes are typical as we widows grieve.  We were doing good and then without any apparent reason, we become emotionally down and unable to stop crying.

Maybe it was triggered by a conversation with a friend or a song on the radio.  You feel even worse because by now you feel that you should be in better control of your moods.  This is just a sign that you are not completely done your grief.  Take your time and remember that sometimes the years will go by and you can still have a rapid mood change.

You may be afraid to trust your emotions because of your inability to control them.  Sometimes you want to protect yourself by becoming "emotional numb" and stop yourself from feeling anything.  But it's healthier to let yourself feel the pain and the emotions so that you can work your way through it.  

The grief settles into healing and our memories will be with us till the day we die.  As time goes on we will learn to enjoy our memories without letting them affect our moods.

Widows - Do You Ever Consider Giving Up?

You will experience setbacks– everyone does.  The best way to look at setbacks is to see them as challenges and a natural part of your journey.  Challenges do not have to stop you in your tracks.  They can add meaning to your life and actually help you to grow.

By overcoming your setbacks you will have shown true strength, character and determination.  In the end your ultimate sense of accomplishment will be amazing to you.

Your grief journey will have lots of ups and downs so don’t let setbacks take away from your pride in the progress you have already made.  Expect and be prepared for occasional stumbling blocks by keeping a positive attitude and a sense of humor.

The core belief of a positive attitude is that you are fully capable of doing what it takes to travel from grief to healing and the belief that you’re going to do what it takes to get your balance back.  See yourself as a complete and happy person that has all the necessary positive behaviors to insure your health and well-being.

Take the time to write about the death of your loved one and then write out how you have already started on your journey.  Include how you felt as you took that step to join a social group or to learn something that has always interested you.  Every time you take a positive step forward you will feel more at peace.  

Don’t forget there will be times when the memories overtake you and you feel that you have gone backwards, but that is just part of your journey.

Where Does All The Time Go?

   Do you sometimes feel like you have no choice about how you use your time?  We all have choices but some may be difficult and so we make no choice at all.  But don’t confuse tough choices with no choices.

     If you want a quick improvement in the quality of your life, make a big choice.  Sure, the decision may be hard and others may not react well to it but you need to guard your time and spend it wisely.

     You can start at a slower pace and make a small choice that will add fun or reduce your stress level.  The point is, you are in control and the choices are there if you are ready and willing to make them.

     You know more than anyone that time is finite and that it is a gift we often take for granted.   It’s not until an illness or death of a loved one that we stop and take a serious look at how we are spending this gift.

     The only way to make more time is to say no to time wasters, schedule less and start to “self-manage” instead of “time manage”. 

      As a widow we have to do all the things that two people use to do and we just keep on doing and doing, handling everything until we just burn out.  It’s just too easy to lose track of our time and before we know it our priorities are out of order.

     It’s important to stop and take a close look at what is really taking up your time.  You may think that your priority is your family but your schedule may show that you are only spending a few hours of quality time with them.