Most Widows have a Gut Instinct

Follow your gut instinct for what you want and for what’s best for you.  There is a lot of stuff going on after the death of your spouse, but you know what feels right.

You know that funerals are for the living so they can pay their respects, drop off some flowers, a donation or a card.  But if that’s not what you and your spouse had planned than follow your gut and go where your instinct leads you.

After the funeral everyone goes back to what they were doing – back to their “normal” lives while your life is never going to be “normal” as you knew it.

Widows are often detached with a sense of unreality as they go through the funeral and sometimes the only thing they have to lean on is their gut instinct.  Take a few moments before making any decisions and ask yourself “is this right for me?” and then follow your gut instinct.

Death of Spouse is rated as the Highest Stress Event in Life

This doesn’t come as a surprise to those that have lost their spouse. The rating is based on the fact that nothing causes more of a “life change” than the death of your spouse.  The “life changes” in your life are irrevocable and they destroy your future as well, and that constitutes another kind of loss.

When a widow losses her husband, she also losses her continuity.  No one wants to change and even the most radical of people would prefer to control their lives and not face the unexpected loss of their “normal” life.  It is natural to resist change as we are all creatures of habit.  We follow the “rules”, behave as society expects, and fool ourselves into thinking that life is manageable.  Then death pulls the “normal” carpet out from under our feet and we stumble into the abyss of the unknown.

Change threatens our stability and undermines our hold on sanity and life as we know it. Everyone has limits to their adaptability so learning how to cope with change will help you cope with the shock of your new tomorrows. 

Stress management really means change management because too much stress/change can lead to serious illness, including heart attacks and strokes. Developing habits that provide some stability in your changing world will help you to manage change instead of suppressing it.  By having habits that are stable and in your control you will gain back some control of your life. 

Take a few minutes to think of the daily habits you do control and perhaps some new habits that you may want to start.  The good thing here is that you are in control of these changes and that’s a great feeling to have.

Widows Need To Be Creative

You don’t need some special talent to be an artist.  The truth is we don’t need anything but ourselves. You may think that you don’t have a creative bone in your body or that you can’t even draw a straight line but I’m here to tell you that every human being has some creativeness inside them. I’m talking about the “art” to be found in everyday living.

 

I believe in creating things, ideas and moments that will bring you closer to the people in your life.  It can be as creative as having an amazing dinner party from leftovers or that special little thank you gift that you made.

The best gifts are not found in a box or in a store.  The best gifts are the people and the moments that make life wonderful.  There is no limit to the way we can share from our hearts.  Living creatively helps us to express love in our everyday acts.

There are three main reasons that widows need to be creative are:

1.     The more hardships we have in our lives the more we search for self expression.  Sometimes there are simply no words to express what we are feeling.  We need other ways to let people know what is in our hearts.

2.       Many of us feel a lack of meaning in our lives.  We may be moving through life and wondering just what we have accomplished.  We need to stop and put more meaning into our actions.  Living creatively doesn’t mean we do more, but that we put more meaning into what we do. 

3.       We all need more reasons to play.  A child is always being creative, asking questions and laughing.  But as a grownup we lose our creatively, and with it our imagination and joyfulness. 

Decide right now to bring playfulness back into your life.  By living creatively we recognize that we are each in charge of putting play, meaning and self expression back into our everyday lives.

I want to inspire you to create a moment that matters.  To create a memory that will last a life time and to create a sense of yourself as the artist of your own life.

Mother's Day As A Widow

Mother’s Day is a perfect time for our children to stop and acknowledge us as mothers.  My son and daughter both stopped in for a visit bearing gifts and cards.  They love me and appreciate what both Donnie and I have done for them over their life time.

But for some reason, that I cannot fully explain, I had an off day today.  When Donnie was alive he would treat me to breakfast in bed on Mother’s day even when the kids were fully grown.  We would have time with the kids but I was also spoiled by their father.  I missed that today and it is just one of those times when you feel that loss.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have lost your husband and have all you kids living away or even worse just not making the effort to call or visit.  I have many blessings in my life with my children, family and good friends.  That is what takes the edge off my sadness and makes my life so much more peaceful and contented. 

To all those that have lost a loved one and are feeling that loss today, I wish you peace and contentment.  Reach out to those loved ones that are still in your life and take note of the blessings you still have.

Widows and Their Wedding Rings

A year ago I thought about taking my rings off but I just wasn’t ready.  It was almost four years but it didn’t feel right to me.

More time has passed and it will soon be five years that I went from wife to widow and lately I’ve put more thought into my wedding rings.

The wedding ring symbolizes our love for our spouses and afterwards it’s a comfort as a reminder of our love.  It can also stop unwanted advances as we grieve.

Some widows move their rings to their other hand or pass their rings on to someone they feel close to such as a daughter or granddaughter.

In the end I took it to a jeweler and had them made into two pendants – one for me and one for our daughter.  I cannot lie, it was hard to take them off but once I dropped them off I felt at peace and the decision was made.

I just picked them up this week and I love what they did.  I will let our daughter have her pick because it doesn’t matter to me. No matter what I will always have one of them to wear and with it I will have all its love and memories.