Journals Help Us Heal

Keep a journal to help you focus on what works for you and helps you take control of the thoughts that keep you from seeing the beauty in yourself.

I am a strong advocate for widows to be the best that they can be.  Self-praise and pride comes from the way you speak, how you stand and how you look at the world.

Thoughts are powerful things.  A journal helps you focus your thoughts on improved self-image and to gain confidence in yourself.

Use the journal once a day, once a month or for the rest of your life – it’s up to you.  The only difference between being just okay or being the best you can be is taking positive action.

Just keep this one thought in mind:  the first person you have to please is yourself.

Scramble Therapy by Leil Lowndes

Leil Lowndes is the author of several books and she talks about “scramble therapy”.  It is quite simply scrambling up your life and trying different activities that you would never think of participating in.

Just one weekend of each month do something totally out of your normal routine.  If you usually walk than go bowling.  If you bowl than go bird-watching.  Oh, you’re a bird-watch, than forget it and go fly a kite for the afternoon. 

Why take yourself out of your comfort zone?  Because of the person you will become from doing it.  Just by doing a different activity, even once, you will be 80 percent more of a conversationalist, you will meet new friends and most importantly you will break out of your cocoon and become a social butterfly.  As you learn new things you will find it so much easier talking to others.  As they talk about their interests you will be able to relate to them because you have tried it.

The list of activities is endless ranging from mild to the extreme.

• Tennis
• Hiking
• White-water rafting
• Go to a stamp exhibition
• Take a chess lesson
• Go ballooning
• Spend the day at the library
• Go kayaking
• Go to the pool hall for a few games
• Visit your local art gallery
• Go see a live play

Do you get the idea – it’s not what you do that matters, but that it has to be something you don’t normally do.  If your uncomfortable doing it on your own find a friend and try something new once a month. 

It doesn’t always have to cost money or be a big deal.  Use your imagination and also find things going on in your neighborhood that you have never taken part in.  It will make you feel alive because there is something powerful about learning and doing new things.  Have some fun with it!

Part Eleven - Widows and Self-Care

Our culture values thinking with our heads based on our experiences, knowledge and education.  But to honor our self-care we have to get in touch with our feelings.  Maybe the most sensible way of doing things is not in your best interest because it follows the priorities of others instead of what you feel like doing.

Your stress and anxiety increases as you put up with stuff so that everyone else is happy.  You need to listen to your soul, your inner voice that tells you that if it doesn’t feel right don’t do it.  The more you live by head knowledge and distance yourself from your feelings the more numb you will end up feeling.

You will seem disconnected because you are not emotional available. Life is hard and sometimes things are happening around us so fast that we can’t stop to feel and so we tend to act impulsively.

When you have to make a decision stop, relax and notice how you feel:

• Is it something you really want to do?
• Do you feel tense?
• Are you rushing so you don’t have to stop and feel?
• Or are you going too slow and not making any decisions out of fear?

Life is far richer when you stop to feel with your heart and not just with your head.  You have an inner voice that will guide you to make decisions that are right for you.  This inner voice has more wisdom than we are aware of because it is connected to our spiritual soul.

I encourage you to open up this line of communication between how you feel and your heart and your head knowledge.  Please pay attention to your feelings and your inner voice.

Part Five - Widows and Self-Care

You have written your life story up to this point in time.  Now, you need to take a closer look at how you are living your life at this present moment.

Life is made up of many parts and no one part is more or less important than another.  The key to a balanced life is giving your attention to every part (emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationships, work time, leisure time) because they are all parts of the whole.

You need to naturally spend your time and energy on all parts so you will be less vulnerable when changes occur in one area or another.  Take an honest assessment of your present life and see where you are out of balance.  Awareness has to come first before you can see your way to making any changes that are needed.

Now, let’s look at your life.  Take out your journal and ask yourself these questions:

• Where might my life need more attention?
• What do I spend my time doing?
• Why am I neglecting parts of my life or putting them on hold?
• Do I wish that I could dedicate more time to my health or to having more fun?
• Am I spending enough time with family and friends?
• What would I like to learn or do that I could start doing this month?

Don’t be surprised if you feel a sense of loss when you stop to look at how you have been living your life, assuming it’s not the way you want it to be.  Some things we just can’t change but those things that we can change we should have the courage to do so.

Write about how you feel and notice the areas that you want to change.  Feel the conflict between your comfort zone and fear of change.  Write about this awareness in your journal.

Part Three - Widows and Self-Care

The very first thing I want you to do is get yourself a journal or notebook.  Make sure that you love its size, color and design so that you will feel comfortable putting your most precious thoughts in it.  Pick one that gives you lots of space to write and that is easy to carry around.

Keeping a journal will start you on a journey of self-reflection.  You will write out your feelings – angry, lonely, and unhappy with the way things turned out.  You will find comfort in putting your thoughts in writing and please don’t be a critic of your writing skills.

Don’t listen to your inner critic telling you what you should or shouldn’t write.  Just start writing and don’t stop.  Put all your focus on filling out the page and before you know it you will be on the second and third page.  Lose yourself in the experience and you will soon uncover thoughts and feelings that you were not even aware of.

 

Don’t worry about writing long passages every day, if you are really busy just write a paragraph or two about your day. The important thing is that you develop the habit of extreme self-care by taking the time to journal every day.

Later on your journal will give you a chance to look back over this period of your life and see how you have healed.  Your journal will become filled with your life – the pain, the laughter, the significant events , the searching questions of why life is the way it is and most importantly how it all came together to make you the person you are today.

Part Two - Widows and Self-Care

This may sound completely opposite to what you have always heard but I think self-care begins with learning to be selfish.  The word “selfish” has a negative feel to it but when you put yourself first you will have extra energy to be there for the people in your life.

Initially, you may feel uncomfortable with being selfish.  You might feel guilty, uncaring, unspiritual or even worried about what others think.  You need to tell your family and friends that you’ve decided to take care of your “self” first.  Some people in your life may not understand, they figure you can be there 24/7 because you don’t have anyone at home.

But remember your life has to have value and let them know that you’ll end up becoming a better mother, grandmother and friend.  Over time, they will realize that self-care is actually the greatest gift you can give them because it will restore your energy and joy of life.

Self-care begins with becoming familiar with your needs and getting to know yourself.  Over the next few days I am going to outline some action steps to help you be “selfish” and they will in turn set in motion opportunities for you to be happy and contented.

To Our Shared Journey - January 2012 Newsletter

Happy New Year 2012 - January Newsletter with resource links.

http://conta.cc/vOWg3k via #constantcontact

Surviving Widowhood

To “survive” as per the dictionary means “to live after the death of another person; to continue, endure; to come through alive”.

I think that surviving widowhood is more than just “coming through alive”. It’s a journey where you grow stronger and more independent. You really have no choice because grief wants to take over your life. You will not “come through alive” – in fact you will just be letting the world pass you by.

Do more than “survive” – get to know yourself and come out swinging. Stand up and fight for a life that is full of friends and family. Join groups, volunteer, find your passion and just go do it. Don’t feel bad that your the one that’s alive – instead be even more alive by seeking out positive people.

Be a survivor in more than body – be a survivor in your heart and soul.