Widows and Rapid Mood Changes

Rapid mood changes are typical as we widows grieve.  We were doing good and then without any apparent reason, we become emotionally down and unable to stop crying.

Maybe it was triggered by a conversation with a friend or a song on the radio.  You feel even worse because by now you feel that you should be in better control of your moods.  This is just a sign that you are not completely done your grief.  Take your time and remember that sometimes the years will go by and you can still have a rapid mood change.

You may be afraid to trust your emotions because of your inability to control them.  Sometimes you want to protect yourself by becoming "emotional numb" and stop yourself from feeling anything.  But it's healthier to let yourself feel the pain and the emotions so that you can work your way through it.  

The grief settles into healing and our memories will be with us till the day we die.  As time goes on we will learn to enjoy our memories without letting them affect our moods.

Widows - Do You Ever Consider Giving Up?

You will experience setbacks– everyone does.  The best way to look at setbacks is to see them as challenges and a natural part of your journey.  Challenges do not have to stop you in your tracks.  They can add meaning to your life and actually help you to grow.

By overcoming your setbacks you will have shown true strength, character and determination.  In the end your ultimate sense of accomplishment will be amazing to you.

Your grief journey will have lots of ups and downs so don’t let setbacks take away from your pride in the progress you have already made.  Expect and be prepared for occasional stumbling blocks by keeping a positive attitude and a sense of humor.

The core belief of a positive attitude is that you are fully capable of doing what it takes to travel from grief to healing and the belief that you’re going to do what it takes to get your balance back.  See yourself as a complete and happy person that has all the necessary positive behaviors to insure your health and well-being.

Take the time to write about the death of your loved one and then write out how you have already started on your journey.  Include how you felt as you took that step to join a social group or to learn something that has always interested you.  Every time you take a positive step forward you will feel more at peace.  

Don’t forget there will be times when the memories overtake you and you feel that you have gone backwards, but that is just part of your journey.

Where Does All The Time Go?

   Do you sometimes feel like you have no choice about how you use your time?  We all have choices but some may be difficult and so we make no choice at all.  But don’t confuse tough choices with no choices.

     If you want a quick improvement in the quality of your life, make a big choice.  Sure, the decision may be hard and others may not react well to it but you need to guard your time and spend it wisely.

     You can start at a slower pace and make a small choice that will add fun or reduce your stress level.  The point is, you are in control and the choices are there if you are ready and willing to make them.

     You know more than anyone that time is finite and that it is a gift we often take for granted.   It’s not until an illness or death of a loved one that we stop and take a serious look at how we are spending this gift.

     The only way to make more time is to say no to time wasters, schedule less and start to “self-manage” instead of “time manage”. 

      As a widow we have to do all the things that two people use to do and we just keep on doing and doing, handling everything until we just burn out.  It’s just too easy to lose track of our time and before we know it our priorities are out of order.

     It’s important to stop and take a close look at what is really taking up your time.  You may think that your priority is your family but your schedule may show that you are only spending a few hours of quality time with them.  

Law of Attraction and Michael Losier

     I just came from the Law of Attraction Seminar by Michael Losier.  I would recommend that you get his books if you are in any way interested in attracting more positive things into your life.

     Michael has many good tools to use but the one that sticks in my mind the most is the “Don’t, Not and No” rule.  Eliminate these three words out of your vocabulary because they are attracting the negative into your life.

    Instead of thinking about what you “Don’t” want, think about what you do want.  The Law of Attraction is that you will get what you think about so watch your words and be positive.

Are You Writing Notes Of Gratitude?

Every week we receive e-mails, text messages and lots of junk mail but rarely do we get a handwritten note.  Feeling appreciated is one of the strongest of human desires and it’s so easy to do.

There is warmth to a personal handwritten note that makes the receiver feel valued.  In this day and age it is rarer and therefore more special plus a handwritten note only cost about a dollar and yet it is priceless.

Take the time to handwrite a note of gratitude to family members, a friend or someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time.  Taking a few minutes will show them that you care and they will appreciate the rarity of it.

We need to get back in touch with some good old fashion thoughtfulness.  How many emails have you sent in the past week?  More to the point, when was the last time you handwrote a note of gratitude?  Someone needs to hear from you and your note will be keep and reread over and over again.   Do it today and you will be surprised at how good it makes you feel!

Are Widow and Their Money Soon Parted?

Most of us know by now that money doesn’t bring happiness but the truth is that the lack of money can bring plenty of pain.

I’m not talking about money to buy a fancy car or a vacation home or taking a trip to Hawaii.  I’m talking about having the freedom to make decisions that will give you a good quality of life.  If you’re living without financial reserves you can’t control life when the unexpected happens.

Here are a couple of interesting facts:

·         80% of widows now living in poverty were not poor before their husbands died.

·         The average age for a woman to be widowed in the US is age 55 as per US Bureaus of Census 2000

When your husband dies your life goes from secure to chaos and a lack of funds will change your future.  You may have to make decisions about downsizing, going back to work, investments plus much more.

Don’t let anyone rush you into making decisions you are not sure of.  Your mind isn’t thinking clearly for investment decisions so you should have a professional go to the meetings with you.  There will be all kinds of well-meaning people with advice on what you should do with that insurance money, but dig in and learn as much as possible before you pass your life over to someone else.

As a widow we didn’t plan to be here and we wish we weren’t.  But we need to take charge of our finances or we will be in big trouble down the road.  Don’t take for granted that it will all work out on its own and most importantly don’t depend on others without first taking the time to check it out for yourself.

Scramble Therapy by Leil Lowndes

Leil Lowndes is the author of several books and she talks about “scramble therapy”.  It is quite simply scrambling up your life and trying different activities that you would never think of participating in.

Just one weekend of each month do something totally out of your normal routine.  If you usually walk than go bowling.  If you bowl than go bird-watching.  Oh, you’re a bird-watch, than forget it and go fly a kite for the afternoon. 

Why take yourself out of your comfort zone?  Because of the person you will become from doing it.  Just by doing a different activity, even once, you will be 80 percent more of a conversationalist, you will meet new friends and most importantly you will break out of your cocoon and become a social butterfly.  As you learn new things you will find it so much easier talking to others.  As they talk about their interests you will be able to relate to them because you have tried it.

The list of activities is endless ranging from mild to the extreme.

• Tennis
• Hiking
• White-water rafting
• Go to a stamp exhibition
• Take a chess lesson
• Go ballooning
• Spend the day at the library
• Go kayaking
• Go to the pool hall for a few games
• Visit your local art gallery
• Go see a live play

Do you get the idea – it’s not what you do that matters, but that it has to be something you don’t normally do.  If your uncomfortable doing it on your own find a friend and try something new once a month. 

It doesn’t always have to cost money or be a big deal.  Use your imagination and also find things going on in your neighborhood that you have never taken part in.  It will make you feel alive because there is something powerful about learning and doing new things.  Have some fun with it!