Part Twelve - Widows and Self-Care

This is the last part so I’m going to just highlight a couple of important points.

 

There are many different ways to use your journal.  Write your past, present and future vision.  Write about your thoughts, dreams, feelings and relationships to others.  Another way is to write letters addressed to yourself in your journal – say whatever comes to mind and write without holding back.

Ask your inner self all the questions you want answers to. Take time to let your mind and spirit reflex on your question.  And then write the answers that your inner self has given you. There is no right or wrong here – it’s just you and your journal.

Another way of connecting with your feelings is to write down your dreams as soon as you wake up.  It’s amazing what answers or thoughts will come to you as you sleep.  Keep a paper and pen beside your bed because if you don’t write it down at once you will forget it.  Your dreams may provide you with important insights into what is going on in your life.

You need to listen to your inner voice and take action.  Call the person that you just thought of, follow up on a piece of information you received and always stay open to what you’re feeling.

You’re now on a path to extreme self-care and beginning to take good care of yourself.   Just one last reminder – start being selfish and listen to your inner self.

Part Ten - Widows and Self-Care

It is a lot easier to share with others when you have lots but as a widow you may be low on finances and energy. Instead of holding back this is the time to reach out to others who are less fortunate than you are.

Being of service and offering your support to those in need will remind you of how fortunate you are and how we all need each other. Of course life isn’t the way you had planned but when you are out and about it will soon dawn on you that life is seldom the way any of us plans for it be.

You can share your time, knowledge or money and have lots of fun doing it. Remember a time when someone was there for you and how much you appreciated it.

• When you reach out to help others how does it make you feel?
• What do you have to contribute and it doesn’t have to be money?
• Reflect on some of the ways you can have a more balanced life.
• Everyone has a different vision - how would a balanced life look to you?
• What do you want more of, and what needs to go?

It’s time to write your vision of the future based on a complete, balanced and full life. This vision may sound like a fantasy because you are still trying to get rebalanced but first you have to have a vision before you can make it a reality.

Part Four – Widows and Self-Care

Ok – Now it gets a little bit harder.  I want you to take your journal out and write your life story.  This is a very powerful exercise of learning who you are as a person and where you came from.

Writing the details of your life will help you understand that the choices you’ve made have brought you to this point in your life.

Don’t let this idea overwhelm you because you can just do it in bullet-list form if you want.  Start by breaking down the events that most affected you and then go back and fill in between these events.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What were your most vibrate memories – good and bad?
• When did you feel the most loved, angry, betrayed etc,?
• When did your choices change the path of your life?
• Are there certain people that affected your life and how?

Take your time doing this in as much detail as possible because the actual process will deepen the connection you have with yourself.  You will start to have compassion for all that you have been through and you will appreciate your inner strength.

The events and details are different for each of us but we all have the underlying need for more self-care. When you are finished, step back and ask yourself - What did I discover while writing the story of my life? 

Trust - It doesn't come easy!

You may have a painful love wound resulting from the ending of the love relationship with your spouse and this love wound may prevent you from loving again.  It's hard to trust and get into another relationship where you may end up going through all that pain a second time.

Maybe the relationship will be a second love, but then they get sick and you’re a widow again.  Or maybe the relationship will not work out and your trust is broken.  It takes time to become emotionally open to understanding that trust begins with your relationship with yourself and then flows out to others.

Keeping a distance can be hazardous if the only reason is lack of trust.  Trust your inner sense to let you know if it’s the right time and the right person.  Also, trust if it is not the right time for you.  There is nothing wrong with finding yourself as a single person and being ok with that.  Trust – It doesn’t come easy, but once you trust your own instinct than everything will fall in place.

Could Somebody Really Love Me?

The typical widow wonders, “Can I find love again?”  

When you lose your spouse you often re-examine what love really is. You may feel unlovable and even be afraid that you will never be in love again.  This fear can be overwhelming when you really want to be in a relationship again.

As women we center our love on another person rather than on ourselves.  When death comes, the center of our love is lost, adding to the trauma of their death.

An important element in the rebuilding of your life is the process of learning to love yourself first.  As you love yourself you will attract others to you.   If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anybody else to love you?  Have faith in yourself because you are strong and loveable just as you are – this I know!

Do You Postpone Decisions?

It is often easier to postpone making a decision than to make a decision that you are not sure of.

You can feel overwhelmed after your spouse dies and fear making a decision you will regret.  Take three pages and on each page write one of these “Do Now” - “Do Later” – “Do Whenever” on top.  

List all the decisions you have to make on the page you think it belongs on.  Now list all the tasks that are involved in that decision.  Make notes about why and who this might also affect.

Use this as a work plan so that you can make an educated decision.  As you make a decision cross it off your list and you will feel like you have accomplished something.  It will make you feel good about yourself.

Have You Been Hiding Behind A Mask?

A mask is an image that you project so that others believe that is who you are.  But it stops others from really knowing how your feeling and may even keep you from knowing yourself.

You may not want to take off your mask because you don’t want others to see the sadness underneath.  But when you take that leap of faith, you will often experience more closeness with friends and family.

It can be exhausting always wearing that “happy face” mask.  Let people know what you are really feeling instead of always having to appear strong.  When your mask gets too heavy have faith in yourself and throw it away.  The real you will be out in the open and then you can start rebuilding your life.

Chick's Night Out

It was another great night out with the ladies.  We had some sharing time about how we all survived the holidays - had a great lunch with some recipes exchanging and our usual  good times.

Brenan's has a big screen TV, so next month it's going to be movie and popcorn with all the ladies.  I am so thankful for the fun and companionship this group brings to each other.

If you get a chance please join us.  The more the merrier and there is always room to set up another card table for 45's or games.   Some months we will be bringing in guest speakers and doing different things - just for the fun of it.  And that is where the healing really begins.

Christmas As A Widow

     It’s just a few days from Christmas and I’m enjoying my Christmas tree.   I wasn’t planning on putting up a tree – after all its just me and it seemed like alot of work.  But my daughter thought I should have one and came over to help me decorate it.  Funny thing is that I enjoy sitting and watching the lights every night as the Christmas music plays far more than I thought I would.

     I guess that sometimes it takes someone else to know what is best for us.  I will be going to spend Christmas with my son and family so I thought it was unnecessary.  But now I can’t help thinking how bare and sad my place would seem without that beautifully lit up tree.  I know it was work sitting it up and it will seem like even more work taking it all down but I’m glad that Angela got me to do it.

     Even though I am living alone, I am not alone.  I have lots of great friends and family and that is the difference.  That is way I don’t have to think “lonely” but need instead to think “blessed” and enjoy the season.

     I hope you also decorated your home and bless your own family with your love for them.   Merry Christmas from my home to yours.

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