Christmas As A Widow

     It’s just a few days from Christmas and I’m enjoying my Christmas tree.   I wasn’t planning on putting up a tree – after all its just me and it seemed like alot of work.  But my daughter thought I should have one and came over to help me decorate it.  Funny thing is that I enjoy sitting and watching the lights every night as the Christmas music plays far more than I thought I would.

     I guess that sometimes it takes someone else to know what is best for us.  I will be going to spend Christmas with my son and family so I thought it was unnecessary.  But now I can’t help thinking how bare and sad my place would seem without that beautifully lit up tree.  I know it was work sitting it up and it will seem like even more work taking it all down but I’m glad that Angela got me to do it.

     Even though I am living alone, I am not alone.  I have lots of great friends and family and that is the difference.  That is way I don’t have to think “lonely” but need instead to think “blessed” and enjoy the season.

     I hope you also decorated your home and bless your own family with your love for them.   Merry Christmas from my home to yours.

http://sisterhoodofwidows.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/The-Sisterhood-of-Widows-Christmas-Tree.jpg

Lighting Of The Memorial Christmas Tree

I went to the Christmas Memorial Service at Brenan's Funeral Home tonight.  It was the first time I went and I just felt that I needed to be there.  The joyous holiday season can be somewhat of a struggle when you don't have your spouse, but it's things like this that help.

As I listened to the choir and watched the lighting of the memory candles I could feel the peace of the season.  It was healing to be with hundreds of others that were also there to honor their loved ones.

Brenan's gave everyone a memento, a white band that say "In Memory" and I think that sums it up perfectly.  Our loved ones will always be "In Memory" and they need to be part of the season.  Lighting a memory candle is a great way to celebrate their lives and honor our memories of them.

A Widow's Holiday Season

I'm rethinking the whole holiday season of social times, and classic Christmas movies and eating till I gain ten pounds. With the loss of our loved ones there is a missing part to our lives and the season of joy can be hard to come by. I went on a bus trip, Christmas shopping with some girlfriends and getting out for some fun. On the trip they showed the movie "Mrs. Miracle" which is a Christmas story of a widowed man caught in his grief. I'm sitting there with tears running down my cheeks - it was just so hard to watch and I could so relate to the emptiness he felt. This will be my fourth holiday season without my Donnie and I have come to realize that I have to find my own joy and peace for the holidays. I'm looking forward to our large family get together this year from great-great Aunts and Uncles to the new babies in the family. As the new generation enjoys the holiday season new traditions and memories will be made. Some people go their entire life missing the small miracles of the season. We get caught up in the marketing done by media and business. The truth is that small miracles, watching a grandchild's first steps and the giggles of a child at play are the blessings that will make us laugh and smile at life. I wish you a very Happy Holiday Season and although every day may not be filled with joy, I hope that you share your time with family and friends. Take time to search for those small miracles that will bring you some blessings of peace and joy. To our shared journey Mary Francis

CAA magazine

http://emag.caamagazine.com/issue/46507


Here is a link to the Winter 2011 CAA magazine that my article is in.  Check it out on page 11.

Transition - Stages Of Grief

I wanted to understand why my husband died so young, at the age of only fifty-three.  I wanted to figure out why it happened, so I could move on.

Transition is the beginning of realizing  that there is no clear answer as to why some things happen.  Transition represents a period of transformation, as you learn new ways of living on your own.  It is the beginning of becoming free from grief and moving into healing.

This is where you face yourself, learn about who you really are, and start to rebuild your foundation.

Self Worth Of A Widow

     Your feelings of self-worth and self-esteem will greatly affect how well you will find your path.  Low self-esteem and loss of identity are common after the loss of a spouse.

     You have invested so much of yourself into your marriage that when it ends, you may feel lost.  You may have even thought; “No one will even miss me so what’s the use of getting up?”

     As you improve your feelings of self worth, you will be able to step out of the depression and start feeling better about yourself.  You will have the courage to face your new life because you will start to believe in yourself and trust your own judgment.

Letting Go - Stages of Grief

     It’s tough to let go of the strong emotional ties which remain after the death of a loved one.  Nevertheless, it is important to stop investing emotionally into what you cannot change

.

     Instead begin to invest your time in productive personal growth, which in turn will help you work through your grief as you find your way.

     I’m not talking about letting go of your memories because they should be cherished and honored.  But there comes a time when you should start investing in life and start adding some new cherished memories to your journey.

Instant Gratification

Nowadays, we all want instant gratification and don’t have patience. We want everything to happen this instant and we don’t always understand the value of patience, of being ready when the proper time comes.

As we set out to find our path, there should be no time limit. We are looking for change over the long haul, change that is going to be with us for the rest of our lives. In order to make these changes, we must be aware of our strengths and weaknesses, because we all have them.

The key is not only knowing which ones are which, but also knowing how to manage them. Our job is to define our new role in life – a role that maximizes our strengths and minimizes our weaknesses. Our strategy should be to leverage a skill we already have and build up our confidence so we can stand tall as we face these dramatic changes.

November 2011 Newsletter

The Sisterhood Of Widows November 2011 Newsletter  http://conta.cc/uvyDuL via #constantcontact

Anger - Stages Of Grief

Grieving is an important part of your recovery journey.  But we might also go through a lot of anger as we grieve our loss.  Most widowed people are not aware that they are capable of such rage because they have never been this angry before.

Maybe the anger is focused on the health care system, on a friend or family member, God or just at the injustice of life.  It is difficult for others to understand the intensity of the anger your feeling unless they have also lost a loved one

.

Anger combined with overwhelming sadness can lead to despair.  It will drain you of energy and lead you to feeling helpless and powerless to change your life.  Understanding these feelings is crucial to rebuilding your life and finding your balance.

Old Friends - Stages Of Grief

As you’ve discovered grief is quite painful and you need your friends more then ever. Unfortunately, many couple friends are lost when you are no longer part of a couple.

Your old couple friends may have a party and your not invited.  You find out about it later, it hurts and makes you angry.  The problem is made worse by your own feelings of withdrawal and emotional pain.  Social relationships may need to be rebuilt around new friends and hobbies.  Try something new – I took up curling in a ladies league, made some new friends and had lots of fun.

It is worthwhile to work at keeping your old friends.  All friendships take some commitment, but you may find that going out with couples just doesn’t appeal to you.  Perhaps as time goes by your relationship with old friends will change to suit your life as a single, but don’t be surprised if some old friends drift away.

This is part of your grief journey – as you find your new path you will also find some great new friends.

Fear - Stages Of Grief

Have you ever been lost?  That feeling of not knowing how to find your way feels life threatening and can make you fearful.

It can be so overwhelming that you want to hide from your fear  by either not leaving your house or by surrounding yourself with people all the time.

What can you do to overcome your fears and gain the courage you need?  One thing you have to watch out for is being over-caring to others, always being a people-pleaser and getting into unhealthy relationships because you are lost in your grief journey.

You need to make your own way - find your own path - restore your balance so that you can be healthy both physically and mentally.  Fear will take hold of you and stop you from taking any action out of the storm and into the light.  Fear lives in the dark so move towards happiness and laughter and find yourself in the process.

Widowed.ca

I have a great article posted in the website for widowed.ca that offers lots of tips and advice for those who have lost a loved one.

How To Get Rebalanced - http://goo.gl/Lpr8W

I hope you enjoy it.

Denial - Stage Of Grief

Denial as in “I can’t believe this is happening” can be a safety mechanism for when our pain is overwhelming us.  By putting our pain into “denial” we give ourselves some time to digest what is happening

The bad news is that we can become reluctant to move out of denial and face the pain of recovery.  It is hard to adjust to changes of any kind and we may be at such a low point of self, that we just don’t think we are capable of making the journey.

How about you?  Are you still at the denial stage of grief or have you come out from underneath it?  Be aware of “denial” and open yourself up to the grieving process because you have to grieve before you can heal.

What Is Healing?

How does a person define “Healing”?  It can mean different things at different times in our lives.  I think it is an ongoing process, a journey that has no real end.

Healing has a crooked path with a lot of  ups and downs.  One day your doing great, the next your sad and then the third day it’s hard just to get out of bed.   Then something good happens, and you’re back on your feet again.  Or maybe you have a hard morning and a great afternoon – that’s the grief and healing journey.  In fact – that’s life!

No one gets out of this life without trials, pain and loss.  The ultimate in life is to continue to heal and reach out to others.  Be the best mother, daughter and friend you can be.  It’s the only life you have, so work to find your path and make the future into something you are proud of.

Leave your family and friends with fond memories of their times with you because life isn’t lived in a vacuum.  We affect others by our actions, just like others have an affect on us.  I find the subject of whether or not a person is healing to be very complex.  It’s usually not black or white and the results can not always be seen on the surface.  But one thing is for sure – each person has control of their own journey.

Are You Hurting?

Go ahead, acknowledge when you’re hurting.  It’s natural, expected and even healthy to feel the pain so you can eventually heal.

Can I help you?  Well, I can at least share with you some of the stories from widows who have suffered the same loss as you have.  The growth that takes place when you share your stories is remarkable.   There is a healing process – a learning of who you are as a person and not as a couple.

What do you do to heal?  Well, you can use your pain to motivation yourself to find your new path .  It’s not easy and it takes a lot of hard work, but you can do it.  After all,  your life is worth rebuilding.  It is a difficult journey but I know you have the strength and stamina to make it.

Start by reaching out to others that understand your journey, keep a journal, read about widows that have travel your path and make an effort to get out of the house and do something positive – just for you.   Treasure your memories: both the ones in the past and the ones in your future.

Your Grief Journey

When you lose someone you love you go on a journey of grief.  At first your unbalanced and stumble along.  You may even fall as the path is uneven, dark and unknown to you.

As time passes you will get more balanced with friends and family willing to help you. The path will become more even and you will be able to look back to where you started and see how far you have come.

Then one day you will realize that you haven’t fallen in a while and that you can see into the distance.  You realize that your grief journey has changed and you are now on the path of healing.

Later, much later, you will be able to go back and help others who are just starting their own grief journey.This will be part of your own healing and will be a blessing to those who need your guidance.

Bad Day?

Bad days – we all have them.  One day everything is fine and the next everything looks grey and sad.  The good news is that pain, while soul-crushing, is manageable.  The pain can steal my peace but it does leave behind experience.  This experience is more valuable then gold because it is what armors me against the emptiness and gives me the capability to help other widows.

If you’re fortunate enough to give someone else some disaster relief, it is a beautiful thing.   I’m a firm believer in the power of distraction and it’s cure for loneliness and frustration.

Please accept my occasional mood swings and irritation when people say “This too shall pass”.  ”Buck up”.  ”You will find someone else”.  ”It’s time to move on”.   People need to mourn their losses their own way and memories need to be honored.

Sometimes we just need to be sad and to be listened to – a hug wouldn’t hurt either.  You can’t make it better because it is what it is.  We can’t fix everything and sometimes life just isn’t fair. But through all this I have friends and family that I love and who love me.

My bad days are fewer as the years go on, but they are still part of my own journey.

Death, Support and Bereavement

Admitting what we feel is the beginning of moving forward and being able to make changes to our new life.

My support came from other widows who had traveled the grief journey before me.  They shared their compassion and were wise from experience, having already walked the path.  They assured me that my grief was normal even though we all grieve so differently.

I was allowed to be real, to be me, which empowered me to move forward and be all that I could be.  And even more – it gave me the key to survival from the stormy shores of loneliness, grief and anger.

My emotions have an intensity that I had never experienced before.  The power of these emotions would sometimes render me into a crying lost soul and other times give me a strength of will that I never knew I had.  Emotions are so difficult to get a handle on but because of the other widows I at least understand them, even if I can’t always control them.

If you find your emotional journey getting the best of you, then seek out those that have traveled the path.  They can help you find your way.

Depression

I’ve been working hard so all I could think about was having a lazy Saturday all to myself.  I was going to sleep in, do a little housework, read and relax.  No plans to go anywhere or do anything –  a relaxing day was just what I wanted and needed.

But around noon I started getting depressed and sad.  I can’t tell you how or why it started but it was just that lonely, empty feeling that another widow would know.

It happens when I stop being busy and have too much quiet time.  Time to feel the loss, time to miss being part of a couple and time to miss being loved.  I stopped to let the sadness have it’s time but I have no time for depression.  If depression gets a chance to come in – it would make itself at home and I would never get rid of it.

So I cooked a late lunch and cleaned out some closets to get ready for the winter.   I always do better when I’m busy and I’ve come to realize that is the way I handle it best.  A little relaxing time but not too much –  that is what works for me.

Learning A New Skill

One of the fastest ways to learn new skills permanently is to share them with other people as soon as you learn them. Each time you come across a good idea in a book, take a few moments to share it with someone at home or at work.

Besides helping you to retain when you’ve learned – you will be passing your new skill on to someone else.  The concentration required to explain the new principle in your own words seems to drive the information deeper into your subconscious  mind where it becomes a permanent part of your long-term memory.  Better memory is one of those funny side benefits that happen when you teach someone.

Learning will strengthen you against adversity, resistance and and often pain.  Never stop learning and moving forward.

Giving Advice

When a friend or family member is having a difficult time should you listen or should you give advice?

I think that our role is to be supportive and to listen to them as they talk out their problems.  I may share my personal values on what I have done in my own life, but only to encourage them to think about their own solutions.

It is not our role, nor our responsibility, to give advice that we are not qualified to give and we may not be objective enough.  If we start giving advice, we will find ourselves where we don’t belong – in the middle of someone else’s troubles.

What if we give poor advice and they follow it and get bad results?  The backlash will be to us, so do not take on this stress.

My advice is to give support, but do not give advice and indirectly end up taking on their problems.  Believe me – everyone has enough stress of their own without getting involved in the lives of others.  You may mean well, but the best thing you can do is help them figure it out for themselves.

Inner Strength

To the outside world, strength is power – to influence others or beat your opposition.  But then there’s inner strength, resilience, moral fiber – all of which help us to stand up for what we believe in.  This inner strength isn’t about muscle power, it’s more about having the guts to carry on no matter what.

Cultivate your inner strength by doing something that will stretch you.

Don’t let others push you around, stand firm during those difficult conversations.

Remember that a sign of strength is taking responsibility for your actions.

Don’t be too proud to ask for help when you need it.  It will only serve to make you stronger.

Know your own strengths by making a list of them, post them on your bedroom mirror and refer to them every morning and night.

A strong body helps to build a strong inner strength so take care of your health.  Just for today, resist that second helping and do thirty minutes of exercise.

Pick one of your fears and take this week to really analyze it.   Is it real?  Use your inner strength to question this fear and confront it.

Emotional Fatique

Don’t be surprised if you are emotionally drained after the death of your loved one.  Your body is taking enormous amounts of energy just to fight your stress.   Lack of sleep – fatigue and weariness – can hit you hard.

Some Tips To Help:

• Eat a well-balanced diet.
• Take a daily multivitamin.
• Get plenty of rest every night.
• Don’t watch violent shows before bedtime – try to have some quiet time.
• Exercise regularly.
• Deal with problems at once so they don’t drag you down.
• Find something to do that will provide positive emotional energy.
• Socialize with others and learn to have fun again.

My YouTube Video Channel

I'm sharing the reference given to me from Mary Scott about the book and my speaking at her place of work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar29QG7c5vM&feature=share

www.youtube.com

Free Newsletter of Tips and Advise

September newsletter has a great article from The Karuna Project written by Claudia Coenen.

The second article is from a widow who tells her story in “Soldier on – Overcoming Grief” by Enid Stronach.

This is going to be another amazing newsletter so please go to my websitehttp://sisterhoodofwidows.com/newsletter-signup-2/ and sign up for it.

You will get all issues sent to your email for Free.

Newsletter Sign Up : The Sisterhood of Widows

sisterhoodofwidows.com

29,200 Days

If you live to be 80 years old you will have lived 29,200 days.   Every one of us who lives till 80, even the most successful people you know, have exactly the same amount of time.  Many of us invest a great amount of our time “commodity” in rehearsing our past, cursing a circumstance, nursing a problem, or fueling resentment.

If we aren’t careful we may spend our time doing just that.

Spent time is forever gone – please don’t waste your most precious possession.

Don’t wait until your told that your days are limited to start respecting their value.  Do something for yourself or someone else every day.  Every day thank God you woke up and can talk / walk / smile and live, because every day there are those that aren’t as fortunate.

Don't Waste The Pain

In a curious way that phrase can result in  calming your mind and spirit.  Don’t waste the pain – is a profound insight that pain was not given to be merely miserable with but to learn from it and let it motivate you to action.

History shows us that great strengths are discovered in the the depths of pain, not in the midst of joy.  Let pain drive you to create, to be worthy of life.  The greatest power we have is the power of choice.  

Choose happiness over unhappiness, positive over negative and not let it drive you into despair and bitterness.

Your Grief Journey

When you lose someone you love you go on a journey of grief.  At first your unbalanced and stumble along.  You may even fall as the path is uneven, dark and unknown to you.

As time passes you will get more balanced with friends and family willing to help you. The path will become more even and you will be able to look back to where you started and see how far you have come.

Then one day you will realize that you haven’t fallen in a while and that you can see into the distance.  You realize that your grief journey has changed and you are now on the path of healing.

Later, much later, you will be able to go back and help others who are just starting their own grief journey.This will be part of your own healing and will be a blessing to those who need your guidance.

Does Flaxseed Help Protect Against Cancer?
Lately I've been thinking about my health and how cancer can sneak up on anyone, even me. Flaxseed delivers a concentrated dose of fiber, has generous amounts of potassium, magnesium, antioxidants, and even mimics estrogen. I can put it on cereal, sprinkle it on salads or bake it into breads or treats. There is evidence that it fights cancer and that’s good enough for me.

In the Fall I will have more then 12 new products on my website.

Downloadable mp3/ CD's of interviews.

Downloadable mp3/CD called "The First Year"

Downloadable mp3/CD called "Holidays and Special Occasions"

A workbook "How To Grieve and Heal"

Plus other downloadable mp3's and CD's available as they are produced.

These products helped me and I know that they will help other widows to grieve and heal.

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/-Creating-A-Love-Drawer-.html?soid=1104263796779&aid=OmuQyRa7QrY

http://myemail.constantcontact.com/-Creating-A-Love-Drawer-.html?soid=1104263796779&aid=OmuQyRa7QrY

August Newsletter -A great month of resources so please sign-up to get it for free at http://ping.fm/6nwIX

I wrote an article about FuneralResources.com and the 3 Guides they give away for free.

Thanks to Judy Herzog-Chmiefarz for her article "Insist On Your Dreams" and Gala Reitz for her article "Grieve To Heal Girlfriend Getaways".

I've made great progress on my new iPhone4. I got some help and itunes free apps became my best friend. I even skype my friend in San Diego!

I purchased the iPhone 4 today. It looked so easy when the kids use it but I'm already lost. What I wouldn't give to have a teenager around!
I can't get the wireless to work, can't do emails and the serial # is so small I'm not sure I'm reading it right.

You know your getting old when....

Sometimes well-meaning friends stand by and attempt to comfort by saying things like: " At least he didn't suffer" or "Trust in God". These comments are meant to comfort you, but they are meaningless at this time because your pain is too great.

Understand that they don't really know your pain unless they themselves are widows. They are trying the best they can to comfort you and that's what matters.

Discouraging feelings keep you thinking about what you can't do instead of what you can do.
Don't listen to that gloomy inner voice.
We all have a choice and can change our inner voice. Take one step at a time and think of what positive things you have in your life. It's easy to get discouraged about all aspects of your life when your grieving. Journey from grieving to healing by being good to yourself.

Dancing keeps you physical fit, offers protection against dementia and it’s lots of fun.
It’s an activity that has – physical, mental and social benefits. Locally, call Peter Milburn at 849-0442 for classes starting in the fall.

It will help you make split-second decisions, has stress reduction benefits and makes you feel like part of a community.

Find a class close to you and join up – you will be glad you did!

How long does a person wear their wedding ring after their spouse has died? Some take it off in the second year and some never take it off. Perhaps one of the decision makers is if you want to start dating again. It's been almost four years and I'm not ready to remove my ring.

It gives me comfort but maybe it's a sign that I'm not ready to move on. What do the ladies out there think about this?

There is one sure way to know if a book is a good read and that is if you pass it on to your friends when your done with it.

Paula, from Portage La Prairie in Manitoba wrote: " Thank you for sharing @ convention + for writing. I've read it + have 3 friends that I've passed it on to."

It means a lot to me when my book gets passed around to others. That action speaks out about how the book is filling a need.

The fear of loving and losing another partner may prevent some from loving again. It can take time to risk being emotionally attached again. Take your time with a new relationship because dating too soon (and only you can judge that) may be nothing more than you trying to fill that emptiness in your heart.

First learn to love yourself and then move on to a healthy new relationship, but only if and when your ready.

eWomennetwork.com - Business Networking for Business Women http://ping.fm/ex4Gh

As you go through your grief process you may notice that churches can be very family oriented. It's hard to watch other women with their husbands and so you may stop going. But this can cause even more separation and loneliness in your life.

Take time to adjust to this new life because it's also a spiritual journey which reflects our faith.

Tips to get you to enjoy some healthy alone time:
1. Take some time for yourself.
2. Spend time with people you really enjoy.
3. Sign up for activities just for you.
4. Stop withdrawing into your home and get out.
5. Don't try to find love just to avoid being lonely.
6. Realize that you have to do some activities by yourself or ask a friend.
7. Self Talk - "I'm not letting my loneliness affect my behavior".

Link to my memory pictures off www.themaryfrancis.com

http://ping.fm/Bvur0

Here is a link to my memory pictures: http://ping.fm/64YpO

Your emotions swing like a pendulum, from one extreme to another. Looking for ways to avoid this loneliness, you may become a “busyholic”, never stopping. That way your grief can’t catch up to you.

If this is you, then you are running from yourself. Eventually you will get tired, slow down and accept your alone time. Then you will be ready to value yourself and move on to people and things you really enjoy.

There are times in your life when someone goes out of their way to help you. Louise Romikat -Royal Bank at Lansdowne, Saint John 632-0780 supported my passion for helping other widows. She has a great sense of humor and helped me to get the best plans for both my business and personal life. It couldn't get any better, thank you Louise.

For almost four years Donnie's golf clubs and chain saw have been stored in that shed. It isn't like I'm ever going to use them, but letting them go was hard. You would think that it would get easier but it doesn't. It feels as if a little bit of Donnie disappears every time I give away something of his. My mind tells me that it's time to let these things go, but my heart is still saddened.

To be a good friend you need to be able to receive loving care as well as give it. The essence of friendship is having a friend to work through your disappointments and help you get back in balance.

You can ask your friend for support, and at the same time expect to give support as they need it. There's a mutual respect, love and understanding that we get from our friendships, so cherish each and every one.

The July newsletter is coming out this week and it has part 2 to our memory articles. Please pass it along to those you care about.

Have Faith - It doesn’t have to be a religious thing, but when you’re all alone you need something to hold onto. Because you don’t see God, you have to believe by faith. I know God is real because he answers my prayers, although not always the way I thought he would. Oh well, that’s life and I believe God has a plan. Sometimes I think it’s on a need to know bases and he thinks I don’t need to know until later. That is probably just as well.

"Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy: you can't build on it; it's only good for wallowing in." Quote from Katherine Mansfield

Can you enjoy your own quiet time without being lonely or do you consistently need noise or entertainment? Are you able to enjoy simple things like the sound of rain or a child's laughter? Can you be kind to a stranger without expecting anything back?

You will have a sense of contentment and peace when your able to appreciate the simple things, enjoy your own company and relate to others with an open heart. These are important things to strive for in our lives.

Do you feel deeply? - The truth is that when other people are hurting, I hurt too. When they cry, I mist up with them. When they laugh, I join in and when they are lonely I understand. Don’t we all feel connected to some extent and isn’t that a good thing?

We don’t want to become so hardened to the feelings of others that we turn away from their pain. Or do we? What do you think? Does it make you uncomfortable to witness human suffering? It’s hard to know how to handle these situations, but I don’t think we can go wrong by feeling compassion and showing it.

Lately I've stopped several times a day to say "Life is good" and its true. Life is good and the more I appreciate it the more it seems to be so. It brings me to the question "Is it me?" that has created this life and the answer is "Yes".

I can be "ME" and still create my life. I can choose "Life is good" or I can choose "Life is sad and unfair". I choose the positive because it is too exhausting to be sad all the time. When the time comes in your journey to make a choice, what will it be?

International Widows Day - June 23rd. There are an estimated 245 million widows worldwide, 115 million of whom live in poverty and suffer from social stigmatization and economic deprivation purely because they have lost their husbands.

The first International Widows Day took place in 2005 and since that time, the scale of the event has grown, with events across the world.

What are your core values?
List 3 things that you will NEVER change belief in. True values are expressed in your actions. What gives you the best value for your time? That is what indicates what you should do. My core values are God – Respecting the value of others – My health. But as I write this I realize that my actions are not matching my values. I’ve been getting a little slack, but I can do better.

How many times have you thought to yourself. I don’t want to “work” at a new relationship, I want it to be the fun part of my life. And how many times has a nagging voice in your head chimed in, well, just live alone then, because there’s no such thing as a toil free partnership.

We will still argue, still have moments of total frustration. Whether its a friend or another partner, relationships do require effort. So be prepared before you get back into the dating game.

Stress Busters - Meditative state that you can easily slip into by repeating a word, phrase or muscular activity, and then focusing on the repetition, disregarding thoughts that inevitably come to mind.

Cleaning creates a sense of peace. You can’t rest with clutter around you.

Music has been shown to reduce both anxiety and the perception of pain.

Physical activity not only burns calories but also neutralizes stress hormones and makes you feel great.

Wow, women will feel guilty over just about anything. Why do we do it to ourselves?

Women will, after much soul-searching, feel guilty about …….. and …….

It’s to our credit that we care so much about other women’s feelings and that we try to help each other. But not at the expense of making the right decision for ourselves. Instead of wasting our energy on guilt, let’s work together towards actively supporting diverse choices, each and every one worthy of respect.

Ways to Beat Loneliness: Make it a point to contact others regularly. Get involved – people need your help. Develop new dreams - dreams give hope and a spark to life. Rest – tired people respond negatively to their life. Focus on the good things. Remember your never really alone because God loves you and he hears your prayers.

I have 2 new testimonials on YouTube.
http://ping.fm/ujrSn
http://ping.fm/zkY8g

The greatest thing in the world is to have someone exclusively for your own – to love, to trust and to honor. The loss of that person leaves an emptiness in our lives. Sometimes, during busy hours one can forget the pain of loneliness. Then something , anything, brings it flooding back. That feeling of isolation and detachment can strike even in the middle of a crowd.

The best way to handle loneliness is to get out with friends and family. Join some new groups or volunteer on the weekends. Anything is better then sitting home by yourself.

We carry heavy burdens on our souls, burdens that unless unloaded will weigh us down forever.

There is nothing you and I can do about the past. It’s gone but you can do a great deal about your future. Give yourself the chance to become all you can be and to accomplish all that you can accomplish.

Ask for blessings in detail – be clean, be specific, define it. Ask with faith that you will get what you want. Never let it be said that you lived life without finding your passion.

Feelings of distraction, distress, or emotional chaos are natural and appropriate responses to be going through. Having these feeling doesn’t make us a basket case. We needn’t downplay these emotions, nor do we benefit from “checking out” until we are back to our old selves.

Here’s to support groups, to sharing fears, questions, problems, and remedies with laughter and tears. Here’s to camaraderie. To sisterhood. To all the good reasons for starting or joining a support group with other women who can offer so very much. It may be the one best gift you can give yourself right now.

We mustn’t allow anyone to minimize the importance of our emotions. When this happens, it’s important to stop and educate. To say “Let me tell you how it’s affecting me.”

We shouldn’t permit others to trivialize our feelings, we must be sure to name and claim the value of this experience for ourselves. Claim it by saying – “I respect the importance of what I’m going through.” It will be easier to educate others once you understand it yourself.

Joel Osteen - God puts people in our lives on purpose so we can help them succeed and become all He created them to be. Everywhere we go, we should be encouraging people, building them up, challenging them to reach for new heights. Rather then feeling discouraged or defeated, people should feel challenged and inspired after spending any time with you and me.

http://ping.fm/BMgrE

This article was written for the Telegraph Journal's "Thinking Ahead" insert. http://ping.fm/zgMkD

Some people seem to be constantly lost in a fog of confusion. They go one way, than another. They try one thing and then shift to something else.
Their problem is simple: They don't know what they really want. If that sounds familiar, you need to sit down and put your dreams on paper. Your going to figure out, once and for all, where you want to go and the steps you need to take to get there. Once you write out your dreams and see it on paper it will be easier to plan for it to become a reality.

Have you ever asked yourself the question - Why me? We are all surrounded by negative thoughts everyday. Some people call CNN - Constant Negative News, they may have a point. We need to be more aware of what we bring into our lives.

What a wonderful time I had at the “Chicks Night Out”. The tears were rolling down my cheeks and I hadn’t laughed that hard in years. What a gift to have friends to share a meal with and really enjoy an evening out. Thank you ladies, you don’t know how much the evening meant to me!!

Today I enjoyed listening to Johnny Reid's song Johnny Reid -"Today I'm going to try to change the world". That is one amazing song and I love the line that says "See myself through someone else's eyes". That isn't as easy as it sounds but I think it's worth trying. I wonder what we would see?

June's newsletter is coming out tomorrow. Theme is about memories with tips and advise.
http://ping.fm/U8mCX

It's true we can't control what others think, but we can control what we think. Sometimes we just have to forgive ourselves and move on.

I was planning on staying home all Sunday in my PJ’s to just relax. I found that home alone is not much fun and the walls were starting to scream at me. It’s funny how we crave one thing only to find out it isn’t what we thought it would be. I guess I’m more of a people person then I thought.

In June’s free newsletter (A Shared Journey) the focus is on memories. A professional landscaper does an article about keeping your memories alive in the garden with a memory tree or special plant. Go to http://ping.fm/xDxJ7

A widow explains how she took her husband’s old T-Shirts and made a memory blanket from them for her daughter. Her daughter calls it her “most treasured possession”. Go to http://ping.fm/Cnr7c

I lost an old and treasured friend because I expressed my opinion without thinking of how she would feel. My words hurt her deeply and our lifetime friendship came to an end. It was a hard lesson learned – watch your words because once spoken they can never be recovered.

The price of my bad judgement was a valuable friendship and that price was too high.

What kind of person do you want to be in the future? What additional knowledge and skills do you want to acquire? Take a look at your answers and think about how you are going to get from where you are to where you want to go.

I want to thank my University student, Jason Brown, for all the work on my website. Jason also did my second site www.themaryfrancis.com. Thanks also to Cindy Kohler for supporting us during the upgrade.

Websites are easy to do in Wordpress, so think about doing one for your own personal use.

I want to thank Telegraph-Journal for asking me to write an article for their special “Thinking Ahead” insert on Saturday, May 21,2011.

With the help of friends and family we can all grieve and heal when we lose a loved one.

I have been blessed with lots of support and encouragement from people that believe in my message. You just don’t know where life will take you, but make the journey anyways and have no regrets.

Donnie’s John Deere tractor is only 3 years old but all last year I had to boost it every time to get it going. This weekend it didn’t start and I had enough. I went and bought a new battery. It started like a charm and I asked myself why I waited so long. That tractor frustrated me every time I used it but I didn’t want to change anything about it. It was Donnie’s and he loved it but it was crazy to not fix it. Sometimes there is no logic in my thinking!!

Saint John Marina - Friendship Games for people 50+ from June 5th to 10th for only $25.00. Registration deadline is Friday May 27th, 2011. Lots to do and see plus a great opportunity to meet some new friends. Call Helen Bridgeo at 658-2909 for more information.

Don’t let your enjoyment of life be diminished by anxiety and worry over “what ifs” and “maybes.” Be strong and accept that there are some things you cannot predict or change.

After an emotional upheaval do you feel guilty about being happy or do you surround yourself with friends and family? Do you live in the moment and appreciate life or do you retreat thinking that life will never be normal again? Think about it.

The new O Dream Board is a free web-based application available off Oprah's website. So dream it. See it. Share it. Achieve it. Start living you best life now! Create your own Dream Board to serve as a daily reminder of your aspirations and what you want your life to be. You can make the connection to turn your dreams into reality.

Another year older and I'm learning that with each passing year I value my time more. My time passes faster as I get older and I often think about where I spend it. I still waste it more than I should, but I'm getting better at using it.

Time can never be replaced or purchased and yet it is not valued as much as money. Why is that?

I was paying my respect at the Funeral Home tonight for a much loved man. The place was packed with people who came to share their memories and love for this man. In the end we will all die, but will we all have lived? Could it be as simple as surrounding yourself with people you care about and who care about you? Life isn't about "things" - "things" don't come to your funeral.

Most people make the mistake of thinking that "time" will heal your pain. They are wronge because it's not the passing of time that counts, but what you do with that time.

Time Magazine says that it can take an average of 5-8 years to get your balance back after the loss of a loved one. It's hard to be on your own when there is an empty hole in your heart. But life does go on and although it will never be the same, you have to get your balance back. Enjoy your friends and family, because time spent with them will help you to heal.

Protect yourself from intenet fraud:
1. Password should have both upper and lower case numbers, letters and symbols.
2. Never use an automatic log-in that saves your username and password.
3. Always click on "sign off" or "log off" when you're finished.
4. Use anti-virus software.
5. Do not open email attachments sent by unknown people.
6. Forward spam to "spam@uce.gov" and to the company they are impersonating.

Internet identity fraud is equal to emotionally being a victim of a violent crime. Protect yourself and be safe

Email about the book – “Even though the stories are different, we all share some of the common thread of feelings. A couple of the ladies, and I believe, you referred to it yourself – “the emptiness” A few years ago, I learned this and thought I would share this with you. In the original Greek, from which many of our English words derive, the word “widow” literally meant “empty”. When I learned this, it was almost a relief, because that was how I was feeling, but did not have the proper description of it. Sincerely, Irma”

Thank you Eldon for the following reference - "Mary did a breakout session at our NBAEAP conf. on Monday. She did an excellent job. She captured the audience like a pro, which has a lot to be said for a women that is relatively new to public speaking. I have looked at her evaluation sheets that the delegates fill out and they all gave very positive feedback. I am highly recommending her for a lunch and learn or health and wellness session. Please visit her web site and really highly consider reading her book.
Thank You Mary for helping us make our annual conf. another success. You were truly an inspiration."

Memory Quilt - One of the ladies brought a quilt to our monthly meeting that she had made out of her late husbands T-Shirts. It was beautiful and each square was a T-Shirt that he had worn. It gave her comfort and kept her memories alive.

There are many ways to celebrate and cherish the lives of our loved ones and I thank her for sharing her memories with us.

Thank you everyone for your comments and encouragement about my journal entries. I've come a long way since Donnie's death thanks to my family and friends. I truly believe that healing comes from sharing your life with others. The more you stay in and focus on your pain the harder it will be to grieve and heal.

This Wednesday night is another "Chicks Night Out" at Brenan's Westside from 5 to 8. Please bring a plate to share and come prepared to also share some laughs. See you there. Mary

Back From Europe. I had the trip of a lifetime visiting Spain, Italy, Greece, Turkey and Malta. I enjoyed the history of Europe and they have beautiful monuments and churches. They have alot to be proud of and we are certainly a new world compared to their history.

You appreciate home when you have travelled abroad and seen life from another point of view. We have it good compared to some countries in our education, health and social freedoms. Home is home no matter where you live, but its good to get an understanding of how other parts of the world live.

November 8, 2008 – Entries from my journals - I had a wave of home sickness yesterday where I really missed Donnie and our old house. It still doesn’t seem real. Bob and Jimmy closed up the cottage and I was glad because it just wasn’t for me this summer. I’m hoping that I will get back on track by next summer so that I can enjoy the cottage again. It was where Donnie and I shared our happiest times and I really miss him there.

October 3, 2008 – Entries from my journals - I’m moving forward and writing my book. My hope is that every widow will be able to see herself in the stories and know that she is not alone. I have to keep encouraging myself that I can do this because I get fearful and unmotivated. I just keep thinking about all the widows that need this book and that helps move me forward.

September 11, 2008 – Entries from my Journals - It’s been one year and I’ve gotten pass that first Christmas and all the other holidays but I feel just as sad and lonely. I went up to the grave site by myself. I just didn’t want to talk to anyone today.

June 7, 2008– Entries from my journals - Being busy doesn’t stop me from thinking of Donnie. At the oddest time a feeling of deep sadness suddenly comes across me and I just want to cry. I wish I had him back so I could tell him how much I really loved him. I didn’t really appreciate how much love he gave me. I’m feeling a little unsettled and unsure without that love backing me up. I never ever thought that I would feel that way, after all I was always the strong, steady one.

January 6, 2008 – Entries from my journals - Today I was being lazy and was drifting in and out of sleep. At 9:20 I heard an odd sound like a phone ringing. I picked up the phone and heard Donnie as clear as anything. He said “It’s OK, I’m OK.” I was half asleep and thought something had happened to him at work. I asked him what happened and there was just silence. That’s when I woke up and realized it was all a dream. In some strange way it made me feel better knowing that he was OK.

December 28th, 2007 – Entries from my journals - Well, Angela and I made it through our first Christmas without Donnie. Angela did me a stocking and bought me gifts from Santa. She worked Christmas Eve till 11:00 and when she got home we opened up one present each. We went to Nathan’s and Andrea’s for turkey supper in their first home. I went visiting a lot because I just didn’t want to stay in. Although I had lots of family around me I just felt so lonely.

December 18, 2007 continued – Entries from my journals - On Tuesday September 4th, Donnie was in the hospital and they told him about the cancer.
On Tuesday September 11th, Donnie and I got up early to get ready for Donnie’s doctor appointment at 7:00. Donnie was sitting at the kitchen table while I was in the bedroom getting ready when I heard him fall to the floor. His doctor said that it was probably a blood clot to the lung and Donnie would not have felt any pain. One week and now he is gone – how can that be?

December 18, 2007 – Entries from my journals - It’s time I wrote down what has happened in the last few months. Friday, August 31st we were at the cottage and the doctor called about Donnie’s tests. I took the call because Donnie was out and he told me that Donnie had lung and liver cancer and it didn’t look good. He wanted Donnie in the Hospital on the holiday Monday. I decided not to tell Donnie or anyone else about the cancer so he could enjoy the long weekend. I just told him that the doctor wanted him for more tests.

June 20, 2007 – Entries from my journals - Donnie and I went to Angela’s graduation for her Licensed Practical Nurse (LPN). We are so proud of her and you should have seen Donnie. He stood up and whistled and clapped like crazy when she crossed the stage to get her diploma.

June 2, 2007 – Entries from my Journals - I got a tattoo on my shoulder. It represents “love, faith and laughter” and Angela got a flower on the top of her foot. I always wanted a tattoo so I promised Angela I would get one with her on my 50th birthday. Donnie tells me I’m crazy but I know he thinks it’s a kind of neat.

May 14, 2007 – Entries from my journals
This is the year of my 50th birthday and the book “The Secret” was just released. I’m going to listen to my thoughts and take better care of myself. It was my birthday today and I spent a perfect weekend at the cottage.

Away for 2 Weeks - I’m away for the next 2 weeks and so I’m doing advance postings from my 2007 and 2008 private journals. It will cover that first year after Donnie’s death and they will be dated. I hope that it will help others to understand the emotional journey a widow travels.

Chick's Night Out - I just had an amazing night out with a group of ladies and we shared parts of our journey with each other. That's what is healing - having other women who have losed a loved one be there with their own stories.

We are going to have a monthly "Chick's Night Out" and every women who has ever lost a spouse, parent, child, cherished friend or family member is welcomed to join us. It's a pot luck and you only need to bring a plate of food to share.

It's the first Wednesday of every month at Brenan's on Manawagonish Road in Saint John from 5:00 to 8:00. We eat at 5:30 and after that its talk, cards and games for the Chick's Night Out. Oh, what a great night!!

On Saturday I spoke to the sales team of SMET Monuments in St. Stephen, N.B.

They understand that its a very emotional time for their clients and help them design their monuments to reflect the lives of their loved ones. I enjoyed sharing my story because they understand the grief journey and deal with it every day.

When I did our monument I put our wedding date and picture on it and had it inscripted "Charlie Brown and Snoopy Forever". In the back it has the Serenity Prayer and I believe the monument will share our story with future generations. I found it healing to design the monument with memories of our life together. I now understand why couples design it together as part of their estate planning.

My picture on the Grand Canyon Skywalk http://ping.fm/Q9f1K
As a widow I used to think that my travelling days were over. But I've found that I can and do travel every chance I get. It's a matter of being open to travelling in groups or with other single ladies. I had to be open to travelling differently then I would have if I still had my husband. But the alternative is to stay home and let life pass me by. That is not a path that I want to go on.

I loved the Grand Canyon and when I went out on the skywalk I took my book with me. Life has been an amazing journey and I appreciate every day alot more then I ever used to. I hope you are also getting out to have some new and exciting adventures.

I may be making an impact on women's lives, but they have made an unforgettable imprint on my soul. It is fulfilling to be giving value to others. I'm finding that lifting others up has also lifted me out of my own sadness.

Working for free, but my pay if far more valuable than working for money. Satisfying the needs of women who are grieving has given me a purpose and I've been blessed to make new friends because of it. I feel that my life matters and I believe that we all matter but we don't always appreciate it.

My advice is to go out and do a good deed - you will get back more than you give.

Are You A Hugger? My family are huggers – they hug to say hello and they hug to say good-bye. These last few years I’ve come to appreciate a hug. It relieves pain, suffering, depression and loneliness. It gives me a feeling of belonging, eases my fears and builds my self-esteem, and its free for the taking.

So, hug the people you care about because what you give in this case – you also receive back.

Today I was at the local Indio bookstore talking to the staff, when a lady came up to me and asked me if I was the writer of the book "The Sisterhood of Widows". I said "Yes" and she said, " I have to tell you how great your book is. I work in the intensive care unit at the the Hospital and I have already bought 3 books to give away. Thank you for doing the book, you really did something special."

Wow, that's when I knew that its right. All the hours every week I put into helping other widows is the right thing to do and in turn I'm blessed by strangers. Isn't the world an amazing place!!

Website Update - My website www.thesisterhoodofwidows.com has a "Resource Page" with some great links to other websites for tips and advice when you have lost a loved one. I also have a second website www.themaryfrancis.com that has a "Memories" page.

Thank you everyone for all the support and encouragement. Please be part of my journey by signing up for my free monthly newsletter. There is always something new to share with each other. Take care, Mary

Keeping Papers - Just how long should you keep all your papers?

Keep for one year – utility bills, pay stubs, bank and credit card statements.
Keep for six years – investments statements, tax returns and supporting documents.
Keep all receipts, for big-ticket purchases, with your house insurance policy incase you have to make a claim.

Save insurance policies, deeds, warranties and manuals until they expire or the item is sold.

Keep a permanent file for big loans paid off (mortgage, car, personal loans etc). This way you have prove they are paid off if for some reason they were reported to credit bureaus as being unpaid.

Let's Get Organized. Time to clean out all my old documents, stray files, old bills and pieces of paper. First I have to empty that overflowing kitchen junk drawer that I throw everything into. I’m going to sort everything into 3 piles: Bills – Receipts – Statement/Warranties, with the rest going into the garbage.

All the bills are going in a basket by my computer until they are paid. Receipts are going in a folder for one year, then I will clean that folder out. Statements/Warranties will be filed in my cabinet for safe keeping.

Hopefully next year when it’s time to do my taxes I will have everything together because this year I had papers everywhere.

The bad news is that

The bad news is that I didn't reach my revised goal of 10 pounds in 10 weeks. I didn't get to exercise and I know that I need to start if I want to lose alot more weight. The good news is that by eating right I did lose 1.5 pounds for a total loss of 9 pounds. I'm ok with 9 pounds because I've changed my eating habits and feel alot better. Thank you for following me these past 10 weeks and offering your support and encouragement.

God Has Been With Me Today

I was working with the student on my description for the website that would have all my key words and be search engine friendly. I've redone it several times but today as I got ready to rewrite it I said a prayer to God to please let me get it right. I wrote it out - just 2 sentences with the key search words I needed and it flowed perfectly.

Now here is the amazing thing - after I was done I asked Jason to count the word spaces that Google gives for a description. Jason counted them out and it was 148 spaces. So I counted out my 2 sentences and it was exactly 148 spaces. God is amazing - if I had only gone to him first, I could have had it done months ago!!

Week 6 - Weight Watchers

Week 6 - Weight Watchers is my next step towards my weight goal.  I'm a life time member but I have not been there for years. That could be one of the reasons the weight came back!!! 
I don't think you can loss the weight and then go along your merry way.  It's called a "life time membership" for a reason.  They have you for life- at least they do if your smart enough to keep going.

This week I went from 164.2 to 163 with a loss of 1.2 lbs.  I'm doing good but I know I can do better.

De-cluttering My Life.

I love my stuff but I'm happy to be free from the stuff that doesn't enhance my life and really enjoy the stuff that does. I'm all moved into my apartment and the house is gone.

I've come to realize what it really takes to finally be at peace in my home. Freedom from responsiblity of home maintenance - it works for me!

A Perfect Match

As I pack to move I think about being single in a world I once knew as a couple. I think that searching and believing in a soul mate can be dysfunctional and can compound loneliness. First I need to find myself and be at peace with who I am. Then and only then would I ever want to step out into the couple world.

It's a myth to find a perfect mate. He does not exist and if he did I wouldn't be able to stand him. I wouldn't want a man to be too good because that would only show up my own faults. I would want a man with all his faults that loved me with all mine. That was the way it was and I would never want less then what I had.

Memories

I finally took that storage tote out from under the bed. I'm moving and downsizing and after three years it's still hard to look at all the special items I kept from Donnie. It felt like he had just died and all the memories came rushing back. I wish he was here but he's not and so I'm moving again.

I can't seem to settle down and I'm always going from project to project. The other widows keep me going because I know they understand the journey I'm on.

Week 4 of Weigh In

 I went from 164.4 to 164.2. How disappointing is that? I could say that I've been sick and that I've been away for a week, and though that is true, I'm only making excuses. The truth is I didn't watch what I was eating and I got slack.

Thank goodness for the welcoming world of women... laughing and caring about each other. Friends wrap around me like a warm cloak as they continue to offer both encouragement and support. Do you have some good tips to share!!  I sure could use some help.

Week 3 of Weigh In

I can see that this is going to be a journey of ups and downs. This week I'm down 2 pounds from 166.4 to 164.4. At least I'm going in the right direction.

I'm still focused on just 2 lbs a week. It doesn't sound like much, but boy oh boy it's hard to shake it off these old bones

www.thesisterhoodofwidows.com

The newsletter is amazing. I want to thank Dianne Savoy at http://www.E-VirtualAssistant.com for all the work she did. Go sign up, you will love it.

Newsletter

Monthly newsletter "A Shared Journey" is coming Feb 2nd. Please go to http://www.thesisterhoodofwidows.com/  Newsletter Sign Up - and Opt In to receive it.

Are you frightened of making mistakes?

It's so much easier to lay low and not risk failure but it seems to me that making mistakes is part of growing. If I avoid doing something because of fear, I'm also depriving myself of all that is good in life. In fact every mistake I've ever made, in my whole life, has led me to this point in my life.

I will doubtless make more mistakes, but they will never be fatal unless I make them so. Go out - make some mistakes - then you will know that your living and not setting by the sidelines.

Worry Is A Killer

Worry wears down our resistance to disease and make no mistake, worry is a killer. I'm trying to make this one day a worry free day, things are either going to happen or not. Worry is a bad habit that I can overcome by being positive and believing all is good until it isn't - then I can deal with it!!

Worrying about it won't make any difference, will it? Even if the worse happens, I know that we can find the strength and courage within us to deal with it.

Unrealistic Goals

Setting unrealistic goals for ourselves actually sets us up for failure as we chase the impossible.
• Accept that some things are just out of your control and there isn't anything you can do
• Know that you don't need to prove yourself to anyone
• Accept your mistakes. You're only human.

Create Your Life

Creativity is not reserved for artists and musicians. We are all born with creative ability and we create our lives with the thoughts we think. If you change your thoughts and become open to exploring the full expanse of your talents and creativity, you will see new opportunities.

The challenge is for you to believe that you have the creative energy to create the life you want. Can you open the door to your creative energy by changing your thoughts?

Moving On

The house sold and I'm moving in 30 days. I'm happy to be free to rent and have no responsiblities for awhile. I have to clean out all my extra stuff that I just seem to grow piles of. That is a project I'm not looking forward to.

Why is it more fun to buy stuff then to get rid of it?

Week one of weight loss journey

The plan was to lose 2 lbs a week for 10 weeks, going from168 to 148 lbs. Week one and I lost 2.6 lbs of weight – 165.4 lbs.

I can’t do 20 lbs but I think this 2 lbs per week is great. What I did right – I didn’t eat after supper. What I did wrong – I didn’t write out everything I ate or do any exercise. The weight will be harder to get off as each week goes by so for week two I’m committing to writing out what I eat.

I will check in next Friday:)

Mark Twain Quote

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream."

Develop A Support Team.

 A support team will help you through this differcult time. Friends, family, a counselor or therapist, and trusted financial professionals can all help you gather information, review, make decisions, file paperwork or simply be there for you when you need to talk.

Don't feel that you need to do it all on your own. Give some thought to whom you might include on your own support team. Planning ahead of the need is even better:-)

Focus on what you want.

So many people want to change how they feel, but they don't know how. The fastest way to change how you feel about anything is to change what you're focusing on.

Even if things are tough, you've got to focus on what you can do, on what you can control.

Life passes by faster every year.

The reality is that only you are in control of where you want to be in ten years. Open your eyes to opportunity...open your mind to possibilities....and open your heart to the freedom available to you.

Couple friends change when your a widow.

One thing that I noticed when I became a widow is that couple friends slowly moved away from me. They didn't plan to be mean but after all I was no longer "a couple" and so I didn't fit into that social circle. They tried at first but it was hard - two women and one man was just not working. The man felt uncomfortable without another man to talk with.

The women started asking me out just the two of us and that worked for a while but it slowly stopped. In the end I wasn't comfortable either and so I let the couples go their way. I started to make new friends and I experienced new social activities that I could enjoy as a "non couple" person.

It is hard to lose a husband and then to adjust to the social changes but after 3 years I've come into my own and I'm ok. It's just life and as your journey takes a different path so does your friendships.

Weight Loss Goal

It"s time for me to step up and state one of my own personal goals. I've gained 20 lbs and my goal is to lose 2 lbs a week over the next 10 weeks.

So every Friday I'm going to come clean and tell you how I've been doing. I will talk about what I did right and what I did wrong (more right then wrong, I hope). So my starting weight as of today is 168 pounds. Boy was that painful to put on paper. I can't wait to change that to 148 pounds - so let the journey begin

How To Keep A Positive Mindset.

For the full article signup for my newsletter on my website http://www.thesisterhoodofwidows.com/.

Meanwhile here are my five top tips:
1. Stay around positive people.
2. Acknowledge your fear and write out three action steps to overcome it.
3. Read over your goals every day and write in your gratitude journal.
4. Slow down your mind and concentrate on a state of appreciation/well-being.
5. Think of what you do want, not what you don't want to happen.

The full article will go into greater detail and have more tips and advice. This newsletter is for everyone not just widows. If you have ever lost a loved one then reading the articles written by professionals that understand, will give you support, encouragement and understanding.

80% of all goal fail.

80% of all goals will fail but yours don't have to.  Here are some tips for keeping your goals:

Write them down.

Share them with others.

Track your progress.

Reward yourself for a small success along the way.

Take one day at a time
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You have 21 days for a new activity to become a habit and 6 months for it to become part of your everyday life. So stick to it and before you know it your part of the 20% that made it.

The Northern Light Newspaper

The Northern Light newspaper did an article for when I spoke at the Bathurst Heritage Museum on November 21, 2010. The women were amazing and I we had quite an active conversation about how life changes when you lose someone you love. Thank you ladies and I hope to see you again.

Free Newsletter For Those That Grieve

Get a Free Newsletter called "A Shared Journey" with articles from professionals dealing with finances, estate planning, family, friends, dating and much more. It will have positive quotes, book suggestions, tips and advise and all for free. Sign up for it on my website www.thesisterhoodofwidows.com

Watch video on YouTube   www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOuYxeNI7bU

To Sell or Keep My House

I have it on the market and now it has an offer and I'm getting nervous. I guess change is like that, it makes you nervous and yet excited at the same time. I certainly don't need both a house and a cottage, so it's time to let the house go.

I have no real ties to it as I purchased it after Donnie's death but the cottage is another matter. I'm going to focus on fixing up the cottage because that is where my heart is. In the end that is what will help you make the next steps in your journey - just listen to your heart and you can't go wrong.

January Is The Start Over Month

Everyone has a clean slate with new goals for health, finance and personal relationships. With the loss of a loved one we have already been forced into a new start. It wasn't planned or wanted but here it is. We can get rebalanced as we want and not get carried along not knowing where this new life will take us.

We can't control death, so it's important to take control over what we can. Start by taking a journal and writing in it everyday. This way you will be able to look back and see how far you have come. It will encourage you to keep moving forward in your journey.

Looking Back At 2010

I sat down and thought about the struggles I had and what did I learn from them? What did I learn about myself? What difference did I make in 2010? All of what I've gone through has made me what I am today. It is all part of my journey, my story is ongoing and continues as a blank page.

This year of 2011 as I continue my journey I'm not just setting small goals but I'm thinking "Who am I going to be by the end of this year?"